


Sam. At Christmas.

by thinkinghardhardlythinking



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:07:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 41,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27914284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkinghardhardlythinking/pseuds/thinkinghardhardlythinking
Summary: Sam and Y/N must pose as newlyweds on a very festive case. Very fluffy Christmassy story that includes, Fake Relationship for a case, There was only one bed, a Ball….and lots and lots of Christmassy fluffy tropes. The first 5 parts are a standalone fluffy series. They can totally be read on their own. Part 6 is a smutty epilogue and as such is 18+/NSFW and was only added as a reader request. It does not affect the story.
Relationships: Sam Winchester & You, Sam Winchester/Reader, Sam Winchester/You
Comments: 18
Kudos: 38





	1. Chapter 1

“How’s it going?” Sam asked as he walked into the bunker library.

“Yeah, fine.” You said, flashing him a forced smile.

“That was convincing.” He said, nodding with a smile of his own, a wry one that let you know he was anything but convinced.

You sat back in your chair as he sat in the one next to you.

“I think I’m ready. To get back out there. Start hunting again.”

“Y/N.-“

“Sam, I’m all healed up now. It’s been months and I’m going crazy here, staying back while you and Dean go off and save the day.”

“Y/N, it’s great that you feel better but you really shouldn’t rush things.”

“I tore my Achilles tendon, Sam. You and Dean have both had worse. To be honest, listening to Dean’s jokes about it after was more painful than the surgery…or the healing time.”

Sam laughed as he nodded. Dean’s jokes had been pretty awful. For months anything and everything had been reduced to Dean getting the look on his face that usually accompanied one of his ‘jokes’ and saying ‘oh, I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t realise that was your Achilles heel.’ It had gotten tiresome within the first few days back from the hospital and it had gone on so much longer.

“It wasn’t just that. You were in pretty bad shape. The fractured ribs. The other fractures. You had deep open lacerations. You lost so much blood, you nearly died. You had to take the vampire cure for God’s sake.”

“Yeah, but all that’s healed now. And I didn’t go ‘Dracula’. Like you said, I ‘nearly’ died but I didn’t. I’m fine. It happens. It’s the life. You know that.”

“You should give it some more time.”

“I’m not asking for permission.”

He looked slightly stung. “I’m not suggesting you need to. But I’m the one who had to carry you out of that nest; unconscious, broken and covered in blood. I’m the one who sat with you in the back seat while you were practically bleeding out and had to see how much pain you were in. I had to watch you while you nearly died because we had to take you to Donna’s cabin to have the vampire cure before we could take you to the hospital. Who had to watch you struggling to breathe because of your ribs yet still convulsing from the cure. Who had to hold you down so you didn’t get more hurt than you already were. Who had to explain to the hospital staff that you’d been ‘attacked by an animal while we were hiking’ which they didn’t believe by the way, so that was fun. I was the one who worried. So…you don’t need my permission but I don’t want to have to do that again.”

You felt bad. He had done all of those things. And more. He’d looked after you, bringing you food and sitting with you trying to lift your spirits. Dean had too but somewhere along the way, somehow, Sam had ended up being the one changing your bandages, helping you with your rehabilitation exercises and calming you down when you had nightmares about it all.

“Sam,” You said, your voice full of sincerity, “I can’t repay you for everything that you did. Ever. And I know it must’ve been awful and a huge burden-“

“I never said it was a burden-“

“But…if I don’t get out there soon, ‘get back on the horse’, I’m scared I won’t be able to do it at all. I’m healed. I’m ready.”

He looked at you, clearly unhappy but he gave you a tight smile and shrugged. “Like you said, you don’t need my permission.”

“No…but I’d like you to not be pissed about it.”

“I’m not pissed. I’m….” You looked at him expectantly while he paused, searching for the right word. “…concerned.? Cautious?”

“Sweet? And over protective?” You offered, but softly. Kindly, so he knew you appreciated his worry. He raised an eyebrow at you but you were giving him your best, widest smile, the one that always wore him down eventually. He slowly started to smile despite himself.

“Alright. Alright!” He said, “Just stop doing that face.”

“What? You think you’re the only one who can do the ‘Puppy Dog’ face?”

“No. And I don’t do that.” He lied, unconvincingly, “And that’s definitely not what you were just doing.”

You laughed. “Whatever. I made you smile. It doesn’t matter.”

He shook his head conceding defeat. “OK. If you think you’re ready, OK. We’ll find a case after the holidays and you can ‘get back on the horse’.”

“What? No! That’s like, a month away…no, I already have a case.”

He looked at you with displeasure, his brow furrowing over his wide eyes. “Since when?”

“Since you and Dean went on a hunt in Duluth for a week and I was here, bored, going out of my mind.”

“Well…what is it? Where? When should we go?”

“You don’t have to come. You just got back.”

He leaned forward and looked at you, suddenly entirely serious again. “OK. You don’t need permission and I get that, I do. But if you think I’m gonna let you go out there on your first hunt for nearly a year…by yourself….”

You looked at him defiantly. Quiet concern was one thing but best friend or not, you weren’t about to let him dictate terms of any sort. “If I think that then what, Sam?” You asked, aware of the warning tone in your voice.

There was a beat of silence as you both stared at each other. You felt yourself daring him to try and force you into submission, but only because his tone had made your hackles rise, you knew deep down that that wasn’t really his way.

He took a deep breath that made his chest heave and pursed his lips at you, before licking them and starting to talk in a deliberately calm voice.

“If you think that….well, I was gonna say you must be out of your mind and that I’d chain you up in the dungeon before I let that happen…but…what I’d rather say is that I don’t want you to go on your own and I’m asking you…nicely…calmly…as a courtesy to me, someone who cares and worries about you….not to.”

You took a deep breath of your own and tried to remind yourself that he was just being kind and worried and you should be nice. “Well, I wasn’t actually going to. It’s a two hander so I can’t.”

“So you don’t want me to come? But you’ll take someone else? Who?”

“I don’t know…maybe Dean?”

“Dean’s just come back from the same hunt I was on.”

“Look, I haven’t dotted all the ‘i’s and crossed all the ‘t’s yet, OK?”

He looked annoyed. “Well, can you at least tell me about it?”

“Fine.” You said, pushing a manila folder towards him. “So over the past three years six people have died weird, in the small town of Christmas-“

“Christmas? Isn’t that a little ‘on the nose’?”

“I’m telling you the facts Sam, I can’t help it if it sounds like a Hallmark Movie…anyway they were all couples, straight, newly married couples, one man, one woman – which makes me think it’s a fertility thing? Pagan, maybe? Two a year for the past three years and there are no bodies. They just disappeared.”

“Wait…so what? You’re thinking under cover? You wanted someone to pose in a couple with you? And you wanted it to be anyone who wasn’t me? Dean? You wanted it to be Dean?”

“No! That’s….no…..”

“Do you ‘like’ Dean?”

“What are you, in the 7th grade? And no, not like that. No. Focus, Sam. Dead people. Dead, innocent people. So like I said, I’m thinking Pagan Yuletide sacrifi-“

“So not necessarily Dean…just anyone who isn’t me? Just definitely and definitively ‘not me’?”

“Sam…You’re being ridiculous…..I’m…..I’m gonna go make myself a snack. Can you just look at the folder and we’ll discuss it when I’ve eaten?” You said, getting up before he could argue and making your way to the kitchen.

Well, that could have gone better, you thought.

You knew he’d be weird about you hunting again. Sam was protective and that was fine. It was sweet actually. Although the day he got to tell you what to do it would be too late for him to be protective because it would be over your cold, dead body. He’d been right though. You had wanted it to be anyone but him. Preferably Dean.

You and Dean could go and play act and be silly and the whole thing would be fun. Apart from the dead people and potential killer Pagans, that was.

But if it was Sam……

It would be hard pretending to be in a couple with Sam. It would mean rubbing up against feelings that you had spent years desperately trying to ignore. Why complicate life? You’d reasoned. And what if in all the play acting he saw through your charade and found out how you actually felt? And what if it made everything horrible between you? He was your best friend. The closest person to you, really, though Dean came pretty close. There was only the slightest margin between them, but that margin was secretly full of feelings that you wished you didn’t have. Feelings you’d tried so hard to extricate yourself from, but like quicksand the more you struggled the further in you sank. As you made yourself a sandwich, you realised there was a tiny part of you that sort of liked the idea of playing ‘Mr and Mrs’ with Sam. But that, in itself, was a warning sign and the bigger part of you, the self preservation part, knew that the whole ecosystem of you and Sam - and also Dean sort of, depended on keeping that part of you that was excited at the prospect, firmly in check….so firmly that perhaps it would suffocate and die, you thought as you angrily shoved the jar of mayo back in the fridge.

“Whoa! What did the refrigerator ever do to you?” said Dean, walking into the kitchen.

“It bugged me when I was already having a bad day.” You said, pointedly as he raised his eyebrow at you.

He stood, watching you in silence for a minute until you turned to him and said “What?”

He smiled and shook his head. “Well, you are just in a fantastic mood….”

“Dean, I really can’t deal with your sarcasm, right now.” You said as you cut your sandwich in half with the big knife which he immediately went to take out of your hand. “Let’s just take this away from you shall we…” You let him take it and went to sit at the table. “You know, this kind of thing won’t fly when we’re married…”

You looked at him and the wide teasing smile on his face.

“I see you spoke to Sam.” You said, before taking a bite.

“Yeah…he ruined the surprise…were you gonna hide the ring in a slice of pie? You were, weren’t you?”

Goddammit, he was making you smile despite yourself and your commitment to being in an awful mood. He sat down across from you.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on?”

“I found a case. I want to go hunt.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Don’t you start. I’m better. I want to get out there. I really need you to be on my side with this.”

“You think Sam’s not on your side?”

You caught the look Dean was giving you. “No….I just…I’m better….”

“You know it was really hard for the both of us when you were….y’know….There was a minute there where we didn’t know if you were gonna make it. A minute when I was driving and when I looked back in the rear view and I thought I was watching you take your last breath. And do you know who was there with you putting pressure on the wound? Do you know who went and took out the son of a bitch who turned you? Who stroked your hair all night while you screamed and cried and burned up after taking the cure?”

You nodded. “Yeah, Sam…..Some friend you are.” You said, joking, hoping to diffuse the situation.

“I was there. I took a shift or two. I wanted to do more. But Sammy, he took it so hard. He needed to take care of you. He blamed himself you know?” He continued.

You knew. Sam blamed himself for not being with you when you went into the nest. Blamed himself for what happened, even though it wasn’t his fault and you’d told him that time and again. That’s why he’d taken such good care of you afterwards. That’s why he’d let you be such a burden.

“I know…but I didn’t die. I can’t just sit here, in this bunker forever. I have to get back to living my life at some point.”

“We’re not gonna stop you. But we’re allowed to worry about you.”

“He said he was gonna chain me up in the dungeon…”

“What!?” He said, his face erupting with amusement, “Chains, huh? Didn’t know he had it in him…” He pouted his lips and nodded his head as if in approval.

“You’re such an ass.” You said, reluctantly laughing at him. With him.

“Look, you want to go? That’s your call. No one’s chaining you up. He wouldn’t. I mean, I might….but he wouldn’t. And I won’t. But Sammy’s going with you.”

“What? Why? Why won’t you come?”

“Never been the commitment type, sweetheart…” He said, shaking his head as if it was regrettable but out of his hands.

“This is ‘cause he feels guilty, right? So he’s gonna come and be overprotective and the whole time we’re there it’s just going to be because he feels bad about the vampires.”

“No. This is ‘cause it’s a two person case, apparently you said that yourself. And it should be one of us. And he wants it to be him.”

“And what about what I want?” You said, looking at him defiantly.

“OK….what do you want?”

“For you to come with me.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ll have fun and you won’t just be there because you feel like you should have saved me or it was your fault or whatever.”

He looked at you with his eyes narrowed. “Sorry, sweetheart. That’s not a good enough reason. Sounds like you and Sam have some stuff to work through. You should discuss it over your romantic break. And quit bein’ such a baby, you’ll have fun with Sam. Not as much as with me, I grant you….but still.”

You finished off your sandwich while he filled you in about the hunt they’d just returned from and afterwards you wondered back to the library. Sam was still there, making his way through the folder.

“Hey.” You said, sitting down.

“Hey.” He said, his voice sounding clipped and forced, clearly bothered by something.

“So…what do you think?” You said, motioning to the open file.

“Yeah…something’s weird. We should go. Except you don’t want me to come, right?”

“Sam….it’s really not that.” You couldn’t tell him the real reason why but you didn’t want him thinking anything that made him feel bad either. “I know you feel guilty. About the vamps nest. And you have no reason to. I didn’t want you to come out of guilt. Because there’s no need. We are all hunters. It’s not on you to protect me. And even if it was, that’s impossible to do.”

“I shouldn’t have let you go in there on your own.”

“Like you could have stopped me?” You said, smiling at him in a way that you hoped would sweeten his mood. “You were getting those poor girls to safety. It was my call to wait for you to get back or to go in. I made a choice. The right choice because otherwise they’d have gotten away.”

“The wrong choice because you nearly got yourself killed. Or turned.”

“’Nearly’ Sam….’nearly’ is the operative word.”

“You really don’t want me to come?” He asked, looking at you with the look of a small wounded boy on his face.

“You’re ‘puppy dog’ facing me?”

He changed his expression, bringing his eyebrows down and pulling his lips tightly together. “That’s not what I was…” He paused to look downwards briefly before continuing. “You’d rather it was Dean?” He looked so hurt and sad that you felt your heart melting against your will.

“Sam, you’re like my favourite person in the world. I just don’t want your guilt or your pity or-“

“I don’t pity you.” He said, loudly. “And really….” The sides of his mouth both descending into what you’d lovingly dubbed his ‘sturgeon face’. “…your favourite, huh?”

“There’s no need to be an ass about it.” You said. “So….every year in Christmas they have this retreat and for the past three years a couple has gone missing every time.”

“And no one thought that was weird at all?”

“Well, maybe they did but they wouldn’t know what they were looking for if it is a Pagan fertility thing.”

He nodded conceding your point. “OK. So what’s this retreat?”

You had deliberately left the flyer out of the folder. You lifted it from the middle of a stack of papers now and handed it to him sheepishly. “Um…it’s this…”

He took it from you with a look of disbelief on his face. “What the fuck?”

The flyer was bright Valentine’s red and on the front were photos of cabins and snow and happy, glossy, smiling couples. Above those in a white elaborate cursive font it said ‘Love. At Christmas.’

“Christmas is a time for love. It’s also a place for it.” He read out in a mocking tone before looking at you with his eyebrow raised.

You nodded, “Oh, it gets better…” You opened the flyer in his hands and he continued to read aloud. “Enjoy a great start to the Festive Season here in the snowy wonderland of Christmas. Spend time with your ‘special someone’ amongst the cabins and cocoa, the gingerbread houses and open log fires, and don’t forget the glamour of ‘The Snow Ball’ where you and your love can dance the night away under the mistletoe….is this for real?”

“Apparently.”

He shook his head with an air of ‘the things people do’ and ‘what did I just read?’ and looked at you.

“So…all the couples who went missing…they went missing from here?”

“Yep. All newlyweds on their honeymoon.”

He sighed loudly. “Alright, when do we leave?”

.

The night before you left you tried to get an early night but it was pointless. You were lying in bed and sleep felt far away. Part of you was nervous about being out and on a case again. Part of you, though you hated to admit it, even to yourself, was excited about being in a couple with Sam…even if it was all pretend. And the other part was scared.

You remembered when you first met the Winchester Brothers and even then you’d thought they were gorgeous. With Dean it had been factual. He was hot. Objectively. End of.

But it had been different with Sam. Different from anything you’d ever felt before. You had never been the type to believe in love at first sight but if you had been….that’s what you would have called it. It wasn’t just a fact with him. You felt it. The attraction had pulled at you from the very beginning. Pulled you from somewhere deep in your chest and deep in your core. If it had been a movie, the first moment you saw him in Harvelle’s would have been slow motion with the sound of a sappy love song over it. You weren’t sure if it had been that he looked like the guy you’d imagined all your life or if something in you sensed something about him – his sweetness, his kind heart, maybe? - but literally from the first minute, you had felt it. But you’d told yourself you were being ridiculous. You had reminded yourself that love at first sight was not a thing you believed in and put it down to lust instead. Which had been easy to do because that had been there too, in spades.

But as time went on you had worked with them more and more and gotten to know them better and better. You had grown to love them both. But it had always been different with Sam.

You had had to admit to yourself a long time ago that it wasn’t just lust. It was him. All of him. The more you’d learned, the more you’d loved. Your denial that it would pass or fade and that you wouldn’t feel as strongly as you did had eventually led to you moving into the bunker.

But it never faded. It never did pass.

It just grew and grew until it was bigger than everything else. Everything except the fear. The fear that if he knew, it would change things between you. Sam and Dean were your best friends, your family and now your home. Not to be risked at any cost. Even your wasted heart.

After the incident with the vampires, it had hurt – not just physically, although that pain had been intense and long lasting – but emotionally too. You’d felt your feelings deepening with every moment of Sam’s gentle care and focused, doting attention, all of which you’d wanted, maybe even needed – it had felt like rays of warm sunshine after the bleakest winter. But it had become so obviously apparent that he felt overwhelmingly guilty about what had happened and that he blamed himself. And then it had been painful. To feel your heart swell when he thoughtfully watched over you or helped you and then to feel it ache with the knowledge that it was in part because of how he loved you as a friend, or ‘family’ as he and Dean often referred to you, and the rest was his guilt, misplaced as it was. You’d known him for long enough to know that was his MO. Sam cared and Sam protected and any failure to do so by his own unrealistically high standards would twist agonisingly in him like a thorn in his side. It made all the caring, thoughtful, selfless gestures feel somehow lesser and you’d had to remind yourself that this was your problem and not his.

You remembered when you were still so bad you’d had to sleep in the bunker infirmary, near all the medicine and medical equipment, on the hospital cot that was better for you. Sam had slept there too, in the bed next to yours to keep you company and in case you needed anything in the night. You remembered the nights when you’d had fever dreams and nightmares and he had folded you up in his arms with such care not to aggravate your wounds and said… 

“Y/N! Y/N…it’s OK. It’s OK….shhhh….it’s OK. It’s just a bad dream. I’m here. I’ve got you…..I’ve got you. It’s alright…You’re safe. You’re safe now…..I got you.” He’d say it and then he’d keep whispering it as he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead. Sometimes you’d cry and sometimes you’d tell him what you’d dreamed about.

“…it was like it was when it happened…I was fighting and then there were more of them and then I was on my back and I was being held down and I couldn’t get up…I kept thinking…if I could just get up I could fight them off…but I couldn’t…they were too strong…and then I felt….the biting…it was so deep…and it hurt…it hurt so bad….and then another one bit me…and I thought ‘Oh, OK…this is how I die’…and then the blood…the taste of it…I tried to move my head but they were too strong and the blood was…there was so much of it…I felt like I was gonna drown…and then I thought…’oh…they are gonna make me this thing…this thing that I hate…that I’ve spent my life hunting…and Sam’s gonna hate me too….he’ll have to kill me.’….”

Even when you calmed down and told him he could let go, that you were alright, he never stopped holding you until he believed you and every single time when he had, you’d wished that he hadn’t.

You remembered the warmth of him. His familiar scent that you loved. The feeling of his solid body that felt like a fortress against anything that could hurt you. You remembered how it felt when his hands comfortingly stroked you, full of tenderness and protection. You remembered feeling safe. Safer than you ever knew it was possible to feel. You remembered that when he told you it was all going to be OK, in that moment you couldn’t help but believe him.

But then the moment would pass and you’d feel the dawning realisation that the love inside of you, turning like a flower towards the sunlight of his gentleness and his attention, was not the same love that was inside of him. It hurt more to be so close to it but have it not be real. To be so close to him but still not close enough.

That’s why you hadn’t wanted him to come. The ‘almost but not quite’ of being near Sam, of feeling his love but knowing it wasn’t like yours, strangely hurt more than the ‘not at all’. You’d tried to make peace with the fact that although it was a beautiful gift, it would never be what you really wanted, not deep down in your heart, but it was an uneasy peace and like anything that hurt, picking at it was never going to end well.

.

When you pulled up to the retreat, the both of you stared in stunned silence.

It looked like a Christmas card come to life. It looked magical; the glistening, plush snow, laid out thick, like a blanket over everything. Huge pines reached up into the sky in the distance and private cabins were spaced out around the grounds. There were decorated trees with fairy lights everywhere and gorgeous wrought iron lampposts, all arranged around the one big central Lodge, a huge wooden building that seemed to glow with warmth and light.

As you both entered the Lodge you saw that the interior was no less spectacular. The foyer held within it a huge Christmas tree decorated with lights and exquisite ornaments. A double staircase stretched down on either side of it, big red bows, festive wreaths and garlands of pine branches running up the bannisters. Through a huge open doorway you could see a lounge area with an open roaring fire and couches with cushions and blankets that looked fluffy and soft even from all the way near the door. The air carried smells of fresh pine trees mixed with gingerbread and cocoa and Christmas songs, atmospherically playing in the background. It all felt at the same time cozy and Christmassy but also luxurious and decadent. It was incredible. Sam looked just as blown away as you as he took it all in, the way that everything was decorated tastefully with candles and lights, bows of festive tartan and touches from the outdoors in the form of poinsettia and pine cones, holly and mistletoe.

“Hello!” Came a friendly if not loud and over enthusiastic voice. “Checkin’ in?”

“Um, Yes. Hi!” Said Sam, gathering himself and turning towards the lady who had appeared behind the reception desk. He put his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his side as you smiled widely at her. “We’re newlyweds.”

He’d said it so unnaturally and out of turn that you couldn’t help but turn your head to look at him. You’d been undercover with Sam before, he was normally much better at subterfuge than this. Perhaps the heady, festive dream you’d just walked into had thrown him, you thought.

She checked her open file and then looked at you both, beaming. “Well, isn’t that lovely! Mr and Mrs Winchester, I take it?”

“Yes.” You said, smiling up at Sam’s face. “That’s us! Mr and Mrs Winchester.”

“Welcome to Christmas. I’m Nadine. We’re so pleased to have you here with us. Did you have a long drive?”

“Yes…but the time flies by with this one by my side.” Sam said with a chuckle.

What was he doing? He was laying it on very thick. And weird. If he was going to be like this the whole weekend, keeping your feelings in check was not going to be a problem.

“Oh, I have no doubt….” Nadine said, smile seemingly glued to her face. “You are in Cabin 5. I’m sure you’ll want to go and get settled…but let me know if there’s anything I can help with. There’s lot to do here in Christmas, there’s an orientation pack in the room so you can read up on all the activities. Though…newlyweds….on your honeymoon….I’m sure it’ll be hard for you to leave the room….” She giggled at the implication.

“It’s hard to leave any room she’s in.” said Sam, sounding slightly less frantic now, almost genuine. He turned his head and kissed you sweetly on the temple. “But thank you.”

“Arthur here will show you to your room and take your bags.” She said, brightly. “And hopefully we’ll see you soon.”

The porter, Arthur, carried your cases as he stewarded you to your cabin, along a pathway cleared of snow. It was smaller but just as beautiful as the Main Lodge. From the outside it looked picturesque with its log façade, the wreath on the door and windows somehow glowing with firelight even though it wasn’t night time yet. He opened the door with a key and before you could enter, Sam turned to you and discretely cast his eyes towards Arthur before saying…. 

“Well, honey…if we’re gonna do this, let’s do it right.” He bent and picked you up in one easy, seamless motion as you let out a gasp of surprise. Was this what they meant when they said that someone swept you off your feet, you wondered, as you felt his arms under you lifting you as if you were weightless. He looked into your eyes, a smile spreading across his handsome face and you put your arms around his neck, you looked past him at Arthur but only so Sam knew that you were playing along for the benefit of your witness. So he didn’t think that you were enjoying it for real. And then you let yourself smile back, letting your head rest against his firm chest as he carried you over the threshold of the room. He righted you and kissed you sweetly on the forehead before turning around to tip Arthur who was stood by the door, as you took in your surroundings.

Inside was just as idyllic as the exterior had promised with a fireplace that had already been lit and a loveseat there in front of it. The open door of the bathroom showed a tub that was big enough for two and there was a box of homemade cookies on the table by the door. There was a Christmas tree in the corner of the room, decorated like a smaller version of the one in the Main Lodge. It was so stunningly beautiful.

From the windows you could see pine trees and mountains and the gorgeous thick flakes of snow falling. It was hard to ignore the main event of the room though, the huge four poster bed with its white crisp sheets and its inviting thick, plush pillows, covered in deep burgundy velvety blankets and white woollen throws and many, many cushions. It was a perfect room to be in with someone you loved, you thought, trying to ignore the voice in your head that added ‘if they loved you back.’

“Mr and Mrs Winchester?” Sam asked, now it was just the two of you. “Shouldn’t we have gone with aliases?”

“Oh, yeah….sorry…I didn’t think. Must be a bit rusty on the whole undercover investigation thing…” You said, lying. You hated yourself for doing it, but you’d deliberately chosen the names, knowing aliases would be better. But you’d really wanted to be Mrs Winchester. Just for a few days. Even if it was just pretend. “I’ll do better.”

“You’re fine.” He smiled at you warmly, sincerely, and then picked up the orientation pack.

“Wow…This place is not messin’ around. Sleigh rides. Gingerbread House Making. Ice skating. Carolling and ‘Singsongs’…..Oh, and of course, ‘The Snow Ball’.”

“And a case….”

“Yeah, of course…..so where do you wanna start?”

“I don’t know. Nadine seems sketchy. Maybe there?”

“Sure.” He said, throwing the pack down. “You doin’ alright?”

“Yeah.” You said. “Just…this place. It’s so…..”

“Festive?”

“Yes. Exactly. It’s like Narnia and Christmas Hogwarts had a baby…and that baby was in a manger, in a stable…with Bing Crosby singing ‘White Christmas’ at it.”

He laughed. “You have such a way with words. But yeah, it’s…..a lot….hey, I was gonna ask…what are the rules, by the way? For this weekend.”

“The rules?”

“Yeah…I didn’t think it through…but back there, with Nadine…I didn’t know if I should…what I should…I know we’re being ‘a couple’ but I don’t wanna freak you out.”

“Oh, OK, yeah…I thought you were being weird.”

“I wasn’t….” He said, trailing of, unable to deny it. He gave you a look that showed he knew you were right but didn’t appreciate your mentioning it.

“Don’t ‘bitch face’ me.”

“I’m not. That’s not a thing.”

“Yes. It is. It’s what you’re doing with your face.”

“Y/N……I mean it….if we are going to do this we should have some rules.”

“Um…OK…just…be convincing. You won’t freak me out.”

“So…putting my arm around you…touching you….that’s all OK?”

You noted the quiver inside of you when he said ‘touching you’. “Yeah. I mean I guess. We’ve got to sell it, right?”

He raised his eyebrows in agreement and nodded.

“What about you?” You asked. “Any rules? Is there anything off limits?”

His brow scrunched up in response. “’Off limits’? How convincing are you gonna be? Do I need a safe word?” He joked.

“Do you have one?” You said, before you could censor yourself. You forced a laugh, quickly before you could make things weirder, “I’m just saying…I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable either.”

“You won’t. You can do anything you want. Whatever you think is good…for the case.” He said, his voice lower than normal. Sexier.

“Exactly. For the case.” You added, intentionally trying to make your tone light. “You were a theatre kid, right? You’ll be fine.”

“I ran tech.”

“I heard you acted too. ‘Our Town.’ Heard you were pretty good.”

“Man….Dean sure can talk.”

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. You and Sam looked at each other panicked. Without thinking you threw off your sweater and pulled the straps of your vest top down as you grabbed a sheet from the bed and wrapped it around you so it looked like you were naked under it. You opened the door a crack and felt the freezing air as it blew past you. It was Nadine.

“Oh….” She said, looking flustered. “I’m so sorry…..”

Sam had followed your lead and taken his top off. He’d also managed to ruffle his hair so it looked wild and unkempt. He poked his head around the door and play acted breathlessness.

“Oh, hey Nadine…” He said, pulling it slightly further open so that the bed, with its sheets that he’d just messed up into a convincing display of lust tangled disarray was visible behind you. Damn, he was good.

“I’m so sorry to interrupt…you.” She said, embarrassment flooding her face. “I just wanted to bring you these…” She held up a tray with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on it. Sam reached around the door and took it from her.

“Thank you.” He said, “We’ll come and down to the dining hall for dinner and see you soon….we just got a little…” He looked at you and smiled slyly, looking effortlessly bashful and besotted, “…carried away.”

“Of course….well, I’ll leave you to it.” She said as he slowly shut the door making sure she saw him as he backed you up towards the wall through the closing gap in the door. 

“Now, where were we….?” He said, in a tone you’d never heard before. A playful tone but deep and dripping with lust. He stopped before you hit the wall, as soon as the door was shut and turned to put the tray down on the table as you swallowed thickly your eyes glued to his naked torso. You could tell he was broad and toned even under clothes but still…Sam with his top off was a sight to behold. Firm muscle and smooth, golden skin. As he stood there, lit by the soft lamps and the fire, his hair falling perfectly into his face, he looked like he belonged on the front of a romance novel.

“You OK?” He asked. You realised you were taking deep and strained breaths and that you were staring with wide eyes. You tried to get a hold of yourself and smiled.

“Yeah….of course. I’m great.” You said. “I’ll just….go get cleaned up for dinner.”


	2. Chapter 2

The Dining Hall was in the Main Lodge and in keeping with the rest of the place, it was decorated beautifully. Tables were set for two, all holding candles. A man in the corner was playing slowed down versions of Christmas songs on a piano.

A young girl showed you and Sam to your table and you were surprised when Sam pulled out your chair for you. It was such a sweet old fashioned gesture that it made you smile.

“So romantic, Sam.” You said, slightly teasing. “Who knew?”

He settled into his seat and smiled across the table at you. “I got some moves.”

“I’m sure you do.” You said, “…..so this is….different…” Your eyes scanned the room. Couples were sat around you all in their own private little islands of love. The whole ambience of the place was pretty intoxicating; romantic, low lit, sweet waves of wordless devotion clearly passing between lovers’ adoring eyes.

Your eyes settled back on Sam. His head was slightly tilted and he wore an easy relaxed smile as he stared at you. “What? Do I have something on my face?” You asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable with his attention so focused on you.

His smile spread even further and he let out a quiet laugh. “No.” He said, shaking his head and lowering his eyes to the table before returning them to you, looking at you intently. “You just…you look nice tonight. I mean…you do all the time…but…yeah, you just look nice.”

“Oh.” You said, embarrassed and flattered. “Thanks. You do too.” And he did. He was wearing a black button down shirt over jeans. Simple but, man, he looked good. He pretty much always did. You rarely let yourself look at him, not properly, the way you wanted to, but you were supposed to be playing newlyweds, right? He was so handsome. Stunningly so. His chestnut hair fell just so against his face, with its soft smooth skin that you wanted to reach out and touch. He had such a gorgeous smile and his cute little nose that looked adorable. His eyes were bright, they looked hazel right now. You loved how they seemed to change depending on the light. They looked soft and full of love. Who knew he was such a good actor?

He reached out a hand across the table, open as if requesting yours. You looked at him, hesitantly.

“We’re supposed to be in love, right? If we were, I’d want to hold your hand.” 

The ‘if we were’ stung a little but you put your hand in his anyway, feeling the warmth of it as it closed around yours. He ran his thumb slowly over your knuckles affectionately. You felt your heart catch in your chest. It was such a small gesture, but the sweetness in it, the intimacy, it made you feel weak. You were going to have to give in to all of the pretence, you thought. It might hurt later but for now you were here and for better or worse you were committed to the ruse. You couldn’t freak out every time he did something like this. You were going to have to man up. You were going to have to just give in and give it your all and pick up the pieces afterwards. And maybe also drink.

As if on cue, a waiter stopped by your table to deliver two flutes of champagne.

“Complimentary. From Nadine. She said something about interrupting something earlier?”

“Oh. Thanks.” You said, embarrassed even though you hadn’t actually been doing the thing that he was implying you’d done.

“Enjoy. I’ll be back with the menus.” He said, through a smile.

You reached for your flute.

“Wait. Shouldn’t we toast to something?” Sam said.

“Solving the case?”

“No. How about…..to us?”

You looked at him pointedly. “Laying it on pretty thick there, Romeo.”

“No, I mean it. I’m your favourite person. You’re mine. That’s…something.”

“Dean’s your favourite person.”

“Dean’s my brother. It’s different.”

You looked at him, raising his glass up at you and conceded, not wanting to be difficult. As your flutes touched he said, “To us.” And you found it in yourself to let it lie.

The menus came and you ordered. You drank wine and Sam drank beer and although you knew you should be doing investigative work, it just started to feel nice. A little like a date. With Sam. Something you’d never imagined you’d have.

The piano player went from ‘I’ll be home for Christmas’ to ‘Santa Baby’ and then to ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside.’

“So, this songs pretty controversial now, huh?”

“Yeah. I think the lyrics can be seen as being….coercive.”

He took a sip of his beer. “I’ve never really listened to the words properly but if that’s the case then yeah, I get it.”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t really try and keep someone somewhere if they don’t want to be there…like, say, chaining them up in a bunker dungeon….” You were teasing but you noticed his smile waver.

“You know I’d never actually have done that, right? I was just scared you were gonna go off by yourself and something might happen to you. I was just worried….but, I’d never hurt you or keep you somewhere against your will, you do know that, right?”

“I do.” You said, smiling genuinely. “Trust me Sam, if there’s one person I know that about, it’s you.” He smiled back, looking pleased at the fact. “You still shouldn’t have threatened me with it though.”

“Yeah. Sorry. I was just really scared. Lost my head for a second.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I know you feel so guilty but I really wish you wouldn’t.”

“You always say that…like you think I only worry about you because of guilt or some kind of ‘Hero Complex’.”

“If the shoe fits…”

“Yes, I like to save people. And yes, I feel bad when I can’t. I should have been there with you. I feel bad about that too. But…” He trailed off and you sat forward, giving his hand a squeeze to encourage him to go on. “I just want you to be safe and I want to keep you safe. It’s not guilt it’s….because I care. About you.”

You smiled and felt a warm wave of emotion swell in your chest before you could catch yourself. You knew he loved you, you just had to remind yourself that it was platonic. It was still glorious though. You knew that and hated yourself for not appreciating it as the wonderful gift that it was. For still somehow wanting more.

The appetizers came and as much as you didn’t want to stop holding hands across the table, you did. You watched Sam pull a ‘yummy face’ at his salad, smiling quietly to yourself.

“What?” He said, suddenly obviously self conscious.

“Nothing…it’s just…it’s a salad…it’s just leaves more or less and you look like a kid eating ice cream.”

“The dressing is really good….here…” He said, offering you a loaded fork. You leaned forward to accept it and he lifted his other hand, palm up and open under the fork to follow it towards you, in case any of its contents fell. When your lips closed around the fork, that hand momentarily reached up, cradling your jaw with the lightest of touches, his thumb gently grazing the side of your mouth as if to catch a stray crumb of crouton. You inadvertently smiled against it.

“Good, huh?” He asked, softly, his eyes travelling from your lips back to your eyes. You nodded, feeling the way his attention, his touch, and the way he was looking at you, all made your insides feel full of butterflies. It was a clichéd feeling but you couldn’t help it. That was how you felt. How he made you feel.

“You want some of my crab cakes?” You asked. “They’re really good.”

“Sure.” He said, and you replicated the way he’d fed you, offering him your loaded fork, other hand open, like a tray, under it. He leaned forward to take the bite, his eyes still connected to yours, and you let your hand touch his face too, just like he had, feeling the slightest scruff of stubble and warm, soft skin, under your fingers. Your thumb ran, ever so gently along the curve of the side of his lower lip, it felt soft and lush. It felt nice. It felt like it should be kissed. You moved your hand away, as he closed his eyes in response to the taste of the crab cake.

“Mmmmm….” He said, chewing. “That’s so good!”

“Well, you two are just the sweetest!” Said Nadine, approaching the table from behind you, so you heard her before you saw her. Sam smiled at her as she stopped next to the two of you. “Now, I don’t want to interrupt you both…again.” She laughed. “I just wanted to see how you were and if you were settling in. Oh, and see if there were any activities you might be joining us for over the weekend?”

Sam reached out and covered your hand, resting on the table, with his, in a show of affection.

“We’re doing fine Nadine, thank you for asking. Settled and happy. Enjoying ourselves.” He said, smiling at her, contentedly.

“I could see that when I stopped by earlier.” She said, giggling slightly as you struggled not to roll your eyes. “And I’m pleased to hear it.”

“What activities would you suggest, Nadine?” You asked, hoping the smile you flashed at her was convincing enough for her not to see how annoying you were starting to find her.

“Oh, well…there’s so much to do here. Couples cooking classes. Gingerbread house making. We have other classes…Gift Wrapping, Wreath Making…we have Christmas Fireside Singsongs…and Carolling…Christmas star gazing…”

“What makes it ‘Christmas’ star gazing?…Do we do it wrapped in tinsel?” You asked, despite yourself. Sam shot a loaded look at you as Nadine looked unsure for a moment, before it registered that you were making a joke.

“Oh….no….” She said, through her chuckles. “But the stars here are beautiful and it’s nearly Christmas…so…” She shrugged.

“You’ll have to excuse my wife, Nadine.” Sam said, giving her a look that was equal parts charm and exaggerated resignation, “She gets a bit cranky when we’ve been in the car most of the day.”

You didn’t mean to look at him so abruptly following his statement but you felt the strange reaction that took place in you, to hearing Sam refer to you as ‘my wife’. You would never imagine that you would like hearing someone say something that sounded so proprietary and so mundane, but you obviously did. You could tell from the little surge of the butterflies in your belly. It felt nice. And weirdly somehow natural and ‘right’ though, of course, it was anything but. You being cranky after long drives was also something Sam often teased you about anyway. The whole statement made you feel like, for a moment, the deception was real. Though, him making apologies on your behalf rankled you slightly.

Nadine made a swatting motion with her hand, as if batting away the notion that any explanation was needed. “It’s fine. Bit of good natured horsin’ around never hurt anyone. Your wife’s funny.” She said, overdoing a stage whisper as she looked at you, grinning widely.

“She is.” Sam said, looking at you and smiling with pride. You reminded yourself that he was acting. Startlingly convincingly, but acting nonetheless.

“Well, I don’t want to keep you from enjoying your dinner but you’ll have a think and let me know?” She said.

“We will.” Said Sam. You had to stop letting your caught catch every time he said something ‘couple’y, you thought, as you felt his use of ‘we’ send the butterflies fluttering again.

“Well, OK then.” Nadine said as she smiled and walked away.

Sam let go off your hand and looked uncomfortable. He pulled an awkward face. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“That whole ‘my wife thinks she’s funny’ thing…it seemed like a ‘married couple’ thing to say but…it felt weird and gross…a bit ‘urgh…this one over here’…” He said, as he pulled a face of smug condescension and shuddered.

“That’s not what actual married Sam would be like, then?” You asked, impressed that he’d picked up on how annoying that kind of thing was.

He pulled an ‘as if’ face. “No! God….I hope not….married Sam would just be…like me… but you know, luckier. And I’d never treat someone I loved like that.”

“Luckier?”

“Yeah, you know, if I found someone I wanted to spend my life with…who was crazy enough to want to marry me. That’d be lucky.”

“She’d be the lucky one.” You said, meaning it. “And for what it’s worth, I hope you find her.”

You meant it. For all the feelings you harboured for him, truest amongst them was that you wanted him to be happy. He deserved it.

He smiled at you warmly. “Thanks. You too. I hope you find someone amazing, who loves you and treats you good, just like you deserve, and realises how special you are and how lucky he is to have you. Who lets you know that every day. Makes you feel it.”

You smiled as the earnest emotion in his statement ran over you, feeling a little embarrassed by the compliment but moved by it too. “Thanks.” You said, finishing off the last of your crab cakes.

The appetizer plates were soon replaced by the entrees and you and Sam talked and laughed, just like you normally did, except here in this beautiful room, with the piano music drifting on the air. It was nice but you knew you were drifting away from the main purpose for your visit.

“So,” You said, “How are we gonna figure out what’s going on here…with the case…and the deaths.”

“The victims all disappeared on the last night, right? So we have a little time. I agree that Nadine seems sketchy as hell…we should try and talk to her, ask some questions. We should probably do some activites?”

You rolled your eyes. “Enforced group ‘fun’…sounds great. Festive and romantic…”

Sam huffed out a laugh at your sarcasm. “What activities do you want to do? Or…..should we do?”

“Urgh…I don’t know.”

“There’s got to be something that you wouldn’t hate, Mr Grinch…” He teased.

“I’m not being a Grinch…you know as well as I do that hunter life doesn’t tend to involve all this…festive merriment…and I don’t hate it, it’s just…not something I’m used to.”

“Me neither.” He said, conceding your point. “Do you like it though? If things were different and Christmas could be like this, all log fires and carols and presents wrapped in bows…wouldn’t you want that?”

“I don’t know. It’s nice. Pretty….I mean, this place is so pretty…it’s kind of magical almost. But the log fires and carols and presents with bows…in a different life I could see some charm in it sure…warm, jolly, fuzzy charm…but that’s not the life I lead. Never has been…if things were different…who knows….Do you remember last Christmas?”

“Shifter in Nebraska? Sure.”

“Exactly. That’s my life…it doesn’t come with silver bells and stockings hung by the chimney with care…”

“But if it could-“

“There’s no point wishing things were any different than what they are. No point wanting things you know you can’t have.” You said, realising as you spoke how much you wished you could learn that lesson.

His eyes narrowed as he looked at you, as if he was trying to figure something out. It was his ‘deep thought’ face. You tried not to dwell on how handsome he looked with his brow furrowed and his lips pursed, with a few strands of his lustrous hair falling into his face, lit by the candlelight.

“Well,” He said, eventually. “We have to do some of them, to fit in and see what’s going on here…how about I set some up? And you can just play along like you think it’s fun?”

You shrugged. “Sure. If it saves me from having to go through the orientation pack…I’m all in.”

He looked pleased as he lifted a forkful of salmon to his mouth.

“What about you? This Christmassy stuff…is it jinglin’ your bells?” You asked.

He shrugged as he swallowed. “Same as you I guess, it’s not what I’m used to. Not what I’m used to….but it seems nice…I think I’d like it, in another life…”

“A ‘lucky’ one?”

He laughed slightly. “Something like that.”

You could imagine him sat by a fireside somewhere, warm and comfy. Beautiful wife cuddled into his side. Maybe some rugrats running around. Christmas tree in the background and decorations all around. You felt the yearning in your chest as in your mind’s eye the beautiful wife slowly morphed into you and the familiar sad feeling as you realised you were daydreaming futile fantasies that would never come true. You took another big sip of wine.

“Well, I’ll keep my fingers crossed that you ‘get lucky’ real soon.” You said. You’d wanted to say something funny to distract yourself from the sad feeling in you but as soon as you said it, you realised it was more the kind of thing you would normally say to Dean. It was easy to good naturedly flirt with him. You didn’t really do that with Sam.

He looked momentarily surprised at your comment, but then he smiled, big, so his dimples showed and he looked down at the table for second before leaning slowly forward and looking up, into your eyes.

“Are you flirting with me, Mrs Winchester?” He said. You’d not seen this look from him before; flirty and sexy – and more than that, owning it. Or the low but playful tone in his voice. It was all very unexpected and new and man, did it work for him.

“And what if I was, Mr Winchester?” You said, playing along as you felt your attraction to him pulsing deep within you.

“Then I’d already be the luckiest man in the world.” And then for a moment he looked at you, so intensely, so deeply, that you almost felt the weight of his gaze on you. Neither of you said anything, eyes locked on each other as you wondered what was happening. It was a ‘moment.’ It felt loaded. Loaded with flirtation and want and affection and appreciation. It lasted for a beat too long and the way it made the butterflies in you lurch and swoop scared you.

“Wow…you should do Shakespeare or something. You are really good at this acting gig. Very method.” You said, your threshold for discomfort reached.

You watched his face change, back to his usual easy smile and relaxed expression. “I did get rave reviews for ‘Our Town’.” He said, and just like that, regular Sam was back. Sweet and kind and recognisable as your friend. You kicked yourself internally for thinking anything more of the moment that had passed than just him having fun with you on a case.

“Dessert?” said the waiter, arriving at your table and thankfully diverting your attention back to easier, less emotionally taxing matters. Like cake.

Sam hadn’t ordered a dessert but you’d asked the waiter for two forks, so that you could share ‘with my husband’ and it had felt strange but kind of nice to say.

You convinced him to indulge in at least a couple of bites of the chocolate gateau and soon dinner was done and you made your way to the lounge to see what was going on there and try and find Nadine. As it turned out, that wasn’t hard to do. You saw her making her way around the room, chatting with the other couples as she went.

“She’s such a busybody.” You said, quietly.

Sam sssh’d you and reached to hold your hand as you walked in. She looked delighted to see you both and made her way over to you.

“Hello again!” She trilled, her over the top enthusiasm shredding your nerves. “Are you here for ‘Fireside Singsong’ time?”

Sam glanced over at you, reading your face. “Um, you know what. We had such a long drive today and I think, we’re just so tuckered out…” He reached across and lovingly tucked your hair behind your ear, leaving his large hand against your face, cupping your cheek. “…right, baby?”

He’d never called you ‘baby’ before. You hadn’t really pegged him for a ‘baby’ kind of guy. In any case, you were thankful that he’d found an out before the ‘Singsong’. You smiled against his palm before he removed it.

“Yeah, is that OK? I just….I’m so tired…all I want to do is just get an early night.” You turned to smile beatifically at Nadine, “So…we can be nice and refreshed for all the fun activities tomorrow.”

“Oh, OK. Great! What have you decided upon?”

Sam stepped in to take the lead. “You know, my wife is just….she’s so great and she just always plans nice things for us and organises our trips and takes care of me and I think I want to do something nice for her for a change, y’know? I’ll plan the fun and she can just…enjoy it. Give me a chance to spoil her a bit. Make her feel special…so maybe….” He turned to you, “Sweetheart, why don’t you go run us a nice warm bubble bath so we can have a soak before bed and I’ll stay here and plan a nice surprise for you with Nadine? How does that sound?”

He may have been stilted and awkward earlier but now he’d certainly come into his element and was playing his part astoundingly well.

“Sure, honey. Whatever you say.” You said, trying to match his sudden uptake in husbandly acting. “Don’t be too long though, OK?” You turned to Nadine conspiratorially, “He likes to wash my hair.” You said, shrugging like ‘what can you do’.

“Guilty as charged.” Sam said, reaching for the jacket in your hand that he wasn’t holding and then helping you on with it. “I’ll be there soon.”

You left him and Nadine there, talking animatedly and made your way out of the lodge and along the pathway. The fairy lights in the trees shone and the lampposts glowed with a comforting light as the snow continued to fall. Even though there was a case to solve, you let yourself take in the sight and the warmth it made you feel. It was all just so beautiful.

When you got back to the cabin, the fire had been lit again, the bed remade and two steaming cups of cocoa stood on the table. The level of attention and service here was so intense that it was sort of creepy, you thought. You wondered for a second about whether or not you actually should run a bath but then realised how insane that was. It was troubling how blurred the line between ‘fake couple you and Sam’ and ‘actual you and Sam’ was starting to get for you already. You changed into the pyjama’s you’d brought. They were soft and comfortable. Cotton striped pyjama bottoms with a long sleeved white top half. Unsexy. Uncomplicated. Simple. You’d driven yourself crazy trying to pick the right nightwear. It wasn’t right for you to bring anything seductive, that wasn’t what was going on here, however much you wished that it were. Yet you hadn’t wanted to just bring an old T shirt, the kind you usually slept in at home, on your own.

You used the bathroom, and got ready for bed, and then settled on the loveseat in front of the fire, pulling a soft blanket over you as you sipped your cocoa and looked over your notes for the case which you’d previously hidden down at the bottom your suitcase, away from the prying eyes of whoever kept lighting the fire and leaving hot drinks.

You were still engrossed in the file when Sam returned. Shaking the snowflakes from his shoulders as he entered and removed his jacket.

“There was hot cocoa…” You said, “…but now, I think it’s just…cocoa?”

“I thought you were running us a bath?” He said, amused lilt in his voice. You looked at him, with your eyebrow raised, trying to think of something funny to say but nothing came. The exertion from not letting your mind dwell on images of Sam, wet in the bath and next to you was clearly sapping your ability to banter.

He made his way over to where you were and there was an awkward moment as it became clear that he was going to have to scooch in tight next to you on the seat that was only big enough for two people, particularly one as huge as Sam, to sit on if they squeezed in real tight. You put the file on the side table and shuffled into one side of it the love seat to make it was OK for him to sit.

“So what’s on the agenda?” You asked.

He shook his head with a knowing smirk on his face. “It’s a surprise.”

“What? There’s no one here to play act for?”

“Who’s play acting? You said you’d let me choose and I want to surprise you.”

He leaned back and lifted his arm up along the back of the seat as if you should lean in, causing your brow to crease in consternation.

“What? It’s not like we don’t sit like this anyway…on movie nights or whatever.”

That was true but you never started out that way, it just happened over the course of the night. And you never, ever talked about it.

“Anyway…” He continued. “It’s still weird, being physically close when we’re out there, pretending, maybe we should try and get more comfortable with each other so it’s easier tomorrow…this chair is so small it’s kinda like we have to anyway.”

You gave in and let yourself move closer. You weren’t sure you meant to but you sort of snuggled into him, your head resting against his chest as he brought his arm around you. It felt nice. It felt…too nice. But there was no way to extricate yourself now without it becoming a ‘thing’ so you let yourself stay. Let yourself feel how good it felt being so close to him and having him be so affectionate.

“Were you looking at case stuff?” He asked, in a quieter voice now that you were so near.

“Yeah…I thought it was a Pagan fertility thing because it matched…Yuletide and the whole one male, one female thing…but actual proper Christmas isn’t for a couple of weeks yet and neither is the solstice so unless they take them and keep’em somewhere?”

“I don’t think it’s a pagan thing either. There are no pagan symbols or imagery anywhere and all the Christmas stuff is so straight down the line…it seems white bread not pagan…but they may take them somewhere, I mean no bodies were found ,right? But Nadine’s tiny, she couldn’t pick up a body, not on her own, so who’s ‘they’?”

“I don’t know…did you find anything out when you were over there planning surprises?”

“Yeah…that I’m really good at planning surprises…” He said, and you could hear the smile in his tone. “And not much…she’s in charge of pretty much everything here, she loves Christmas because she loves people ‘being happy’ and she loves romantic crap because ‘what’s happier than people in love…at Christmas!’” He did an overly excited Nadine voice for the last part and you laughed against his chest. He started to run his hand absentmindedly, just slightly and gently in little strokes against your arm. “I have no idea what is going on here, Y/N?”

“Me neither. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.” You were so soothed by his gentle stroking of your arm and the warmth of the fire and fluffy blanket, still draped across you that it was starting to get hard to think through the case at all. You let out a contented yawn.

“You tired?” He asked, his voice low and laced with concern.

“A little….maybe it’s time for bed.” You said, sad to think of leaving the comfort of being here in his arms by the fire but also feeling drawn to the big beautiful bed. You stood up slowly, peeling the blanket off you. He looked at you with an inscrutable look on his face.

“What?” You asked, looking down at yourself wondering if there was a stain or something on your PJ’s.

“No…I just…I’ve never seen you in pyjama’s before…you never slob around in them around the bunker like Dean and I do…”

“Aaannd….?”

“No, nothing….they’re cute…I just kind of figured you for a sleeps in an old t shirt kinda girl…”

“Well….clearly you don’t know me as well as you think you do.” You said, lying and not sure how you felt about him describing them as ‘cute’. He looked up at you and smiled, looking gorgeous in the firelight.

“Guess not.” He said.

“Aren’t you tired?” You asked.

“A little.” A beat of silence passed between you and it felt like something was passing unsaid, but you couldn’t quite figure out what it was so you walked over to the bed and got in as Sam got up and got stuff out of his case, before making his way to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

The bed was like a dream. It was easily and by far the most luxurious thing you had ever laid on. Soft enough to feel yourself sinking into it, but hard enough to feel supported, like the mattress was lovingly cradling your entire body. The sheets felt thick and decadently soft, it was like a hug being in between them. Like being held. Away from the fire, you felt slightly less drowsy. Hunters only needed a few hours sleep but you’d slept so poorly the night before that it gave you hope you’d drift off soon. It occurred to you as you lay there that the reason Sam had been so weird before when you’d asked him if he was tired may have been because you’d have to share a bed. That had never happened before, you always got your own room on hunts to avoid this very situation. You hadn’t let yourself think about it before because you hated how much, deep down, you wanted it. Wanted to share the bed with him. This beautiful, big, four poster bed that seemed designed for romance. And really, you told yourself, there was no way around it, and maybe, deep down…you’d known this was coming since you’d made the booking as newlyweds.

Sam came out of the bathroom, dressed in the simple dark grey pyjama’s you’d seen him wear many times around the bunker and made for the seat in front of the fire, which was starting to burn out.

“Sam?” You said.

He looked at you. “Yeah?”

“Were you….are you planning on sleeping sat upright in the chair?”

His eyes widened a little as he nodded. “Yeah.” He said, as if that was a silly question. “What else…?”

“You weren’t planning on sleeping in the bed?”

“With….what?….No, I didn’t want you to feel…it’s cool…I’m fine, honestly.”

“Sam…it’s a big bed. It’s like, the nicest bed I’ve ever been on. If you feel uncomfortable sharing that’s fine but…I don’t want you to have to sleep there unless you want to. I’m certainly not sleeping over there and it seems ridiculously unfair that I get it and you don’t…and you said before, we should try and get used to be around each other, you know, physically in each others space or whatever…”

He looked at you for a second and then looked between the chair and the bed. “Are you sure? Because I won’t mind…”

You smiled at his chivalry. “It’s fine. Really.”

He made his way around the other side of the bed and got in, letting out a deep groan of satisfaction as he did.

“Oh my God! What is this bed made of? Clouds?”

“I know, right? Isn’t it amazing?”

“It really is.” He said as you both lay there, on your backs staring up at the four poster’s canopy.

“Shall I turn out the lights?” He asked, his quiet voice breaking the awkward silence.

“Yeah, sure.” You said as he flipped the switches by his bedside.

In the darkness you were suddenly so aware of him lying next to you. Sam. Sam who was so gorgeous and sexy and also your best friend who you were secretly in love with. His closeness had made any remnants of your former fatigue evaporate and you were wide awake now. You felt him roll over onto his side…and then suddenly he was…closer.

“Oh,” He said awkwardly as his chest connected with your shoulder. “…the bed is amazing but I think it has a roll in it. I’m sorry.” He shuffled back slightly, but you could still feel his warmth so tantalisingly near.

“Well…I guess it is made for couples to……canoodle in.”

He let out a laugh at your choice of words. “Canoodle, huh? That what the kids are calling it these days?”

His laughter had thankfully eased tension that had seemed to be filling the room and you laughed too.

“I don’t know…” You said, glad to feel yourself relaxing a little. “It’s all so romantic and stuff. This whole place, this room…it felt weird to say it was made for ‘fucking.’”

Your eyes had adjusted enough to the dark for you to be able to see the surprise on his face.

“Whoa, we went from ‘canoodling’ to ‘fucking’ pretty damn fast.” He said, his voice rich with amusement. The way he phrased that sentence had made your breath almost hitch in your throat. It was quiet for a second before he added, “…and I don’t know, ‘fucking’ can be romantic…..if you do it right.”

Oh God, he could not be saying things like that, looking like he did, this close to you in bed. It was making you want to reach out for him even more than you already did. You searched for something to say that would diffuse the tension again.

“What time do we have to be up tomorrow? Did you set an alarm or something?” You asked, clearing your throat and cringing inwardly at how lame you sounded.

“First activity is at 10. I ordered breakfast in bed to come at 8. I have set an alarm.” He said, matter of factly.

“Breakfast in bed?”

“Nothing but the best for my wife.” He said, sweet smile on his lips. You felt him shrug, next to you. “Nothing but the best for my favourite person.” And that was the last straw. You felt the butterflies from earlier and your heart melting in your chest. You felt desire stirring in your blood, making it thick with want. You felt the strength of the temptation to reach out and touch him, to pull him to you and kiss him. You felt yourself perilously close to losing control.

“OK, then…well, goodnight Sam.” You forced yourself to say, turning onto your side, facing away from him.

“Night.” He said, softly. Almost sadly.

The roll of the mattress was strong and you could feel it, almost like hands, rolling you back towards him but you tried to keep yourself away.

Great, you thought, you were gonna spend the night frustrated with your body riddled with tension trying to stay away from him.

You weren’t sure when or how but you must have dozed off, because somehow time passed and you woke up enough to register that you’d both shifted in the night. You opened your eyes and saw that it was still dark and the clock on the night stand told you it was just gone 4.30. More importantly, you realised that you were pulled in tight to Sam, his big strong arm around you, keeping you close, as you lay there, the little spoon to his big one. His little sleeping breaths, warm and relaxed against your neck. You felt so safe with his big, firm chest flush against your back and his arm around you. It felt blissful but also at the same time torturous, like a snapshot of how wonderful things could feel if they were different. Still, you didn’t want to move. You let yourself feel it, the bliss, the safety, the warmth; Sam. Always so close, always too far away.

The next morning you woke before the alarm. You’d both shifted again in the night and he was flat on his back, as you lay on his chest. It rose and fell with a peaceful swell and you looked at his face. How did he look so good first thing in the morning, you wondered, smiling unwittingly at his peaceful, gorgeous face. You turned your head, carefully so as not to wake him with any sudden movement and saw that it was 7.30. You slipped quietly and gingerly out of bed and snuck into the bathroom, showering and brushing your teeth, and then dressing and getting ready for the new day. By the time you walked back into the room, Sam was up and breakfast had arrived.

“Mornin’” He said, smiling at you.

You sat down at the table and surveyed the mini feast.

“We have….” Sam said, pouring you a coffee from the steaming cafetiere, making it just how you liked. “…bacon and sausage and toast and hash browns and eggs…just like you like them.”

He handed you your coffee and then poured you some orange juice, placing the glass in front of you. He was right, everything was perfectly, exactly, like you liked it. He’d ordered everything you might have wanted, exactly how you would have wanted it.

“Eat up.” He said, “We’ve got a long day ahead of us.”


	3. Chapter 3

A couple of hours later, you were stood by side of the frozen lake.

“Sam, I don’t ice skate.” You said.

“Well, neither do I, really.” 

He looked adorable in his thick sweater and puffy gilet, woollen hat on his head, flakes of snow falling on him.

“Yeah, but you’ll do that thing that you and Dean do where you don’t have to practice or have spent 10,000 hours doing something and you’re just naturally annoyingly gifted at it….”

“That’s not true…there’s loads of things I’m awful at!”

“Name one.”

He thought for a second. “I can’t right now…but I’ll think of one…soon…if it’s that important to you. So…we doing this or…?” He held out his hand for you to take and you took it.

You made your way out onto the lake, other couples skating by, all lost in their own worlds. As you expected Sam was brilliant at it, like he was at everything. You weren’t awful, you’d been ice skating a few times before so you sort of knew what to do, but you weren’t great at it. You were slightly unsteady and whereas Sam glided across the ice you more sort of let him pull you along.

“You’re 8 feet tall and huge….how’re you so fucking graceful?” You asked, genuinely confounded.

He laughed and merely moved across the ice faster. Which was a mistake as the acceleration made you stumble. Effortlessly, Sam spun and he was behind you in an instant, catching you before you could fall.

“Y’alright?” He asked, concerned, as he righted you.

“Yeah….want to give me ‘grace’ lessons?”

He smiled and said “I’ve seen you with a machete, you’re plenty graceful….just, y’know…maybe not on ice……here, how about this….”

He put one arm around your back while the other held your hand. “We’ll just take it slow for a second.”

“I feel like a fucking kid being taught by her Dad…”

“Well…you just watch your language young lady or I’ll ground you.” He said, the ‘Dad’ voice he was doing teasing a laugh from you despite yourself.

He stayed like that for a few minutes and slowly you got better and he went back to just holding your hand and you skated like that, getting progressively faster. You nearly fell a few times, but Sam always caught you. His reflexes mixed with his physical agility were beyond impressive.

“Hey…” he whispered, “Ten o’clock.”

You casually looked to over to where ten would be on a clock face and saw Nadine stood by the side of the lake with Arthur, the porter who had helped you with your bags. They were talking animatedly as they watched the skaters.

“Well, I guess that maybe that’s the ‘they’ we were wondering about….and ‘they’ seem…like they’re hatching a dastardly plan…” You said, noting how harsh Nadine’s face looked when her ‘perma-grin’ wasn’t glued to her face.

.

You skated most of the morning and then you were ready to head to the Lodge for lunch. You made your way from the lake back along the cleared pathways amongst the thick banks of snow.

When you weren’t far from the Main Lodge, you were about to ask Sam if he would give you any clues about that afternoon’s activities when you realised he wasn’t actually next to you.

“Sam?” You said, turning around to see where he’d gotten to, when a heavy snowball impacted with your shoulder. “Are you fucking kidding me? A snowball? You want to have a snowball fight? Are we in a montage in a Hallmark Christmas movie?” Your voice had sarcasm positively dripping from it as you watched him glare and then pointedly look in the direction of the lodge where there, again were Nadine and Arthur.

“Stalkers.” You said, under your breath as Sam’s acting took on Academy Award levels of skill. He laughed loudly and bent scoop up more snow.

“Come on, baby!….Lemme see you fight back?!” He hollered, loudly.

You forced yourself to giggle back and bent to make your own snowball. “Oh, you are gonna get it Mr!” You said, deliberately over the top, almost sickening yourself, wondering if this looked as cheesy as it felt. You didn’t even have time to launch yours before his second attack hit you. You looked at him as he stood there, grinning with his eyes wide, holding in laughter but looking like he knew he was messing with fire, amused and nervously expecting your retaliation. Cheesy or not, your competitive nature had started to rear its head.

“Right….Fuck you, Winchester!” You shouted, and you weren’t acting at all.

“Ooo-oh—oh!” He said, with a mocking but highly amused look, as you launched your snowball, which he deftly avoided. But as he bent to scoop more snow you hit him square on the shoulder with another and then suddenly, without regard to how it looked or who was watching, suddenly you were actually in combat. There was running and deflecting and lobbing of snowballs made of soft, fluffy snow but formed into impacted missiles and hurled through the air. There was trash talk too but also laughter, lots of laughter and a few squeals from you that were much higher and girlier than you’d have liked.

At one point, you managed to sneak up behind him, close enough to literally shove a handful of snow in his face.

“That’s just…not fair….that’s not the rules….” He said, shaking his head to free it from snow, yet little clusters stayed in the ends of his hair, as it poked out under his hat.

You shrugged, with an ‘I don’t know what to tell ya’ gesture. “I didn’t sign a treaty. There are no rules in combat, son.”

“Really?” He said, his face adopting an ‘are you sure you want to mess with me?’ expression. “Really?”

You laughed and turned to run. You didn’t get far because, suddenly his big hand had grabbed your arm and in a flurry of excited laughter and playfulness, as you tried to get away and he tried to pull you close, somehow you both fell onto a soft, fluffy cloud of snow. You were still laughing as he landed on top of you, though saved from the weight of him by his bracing arms. His cheeks and nose were rosy from the chill and there were snowflakes in his lashes. His eyes looked bluey-green right now, like sea glass, and they were big and smiling. He was smiling. He was…perfect. You noticed that the hysterical laughing had died down slightly, though your chest still heaved with deep breaths. You weren’t sure if it was from the exertion of the snowball fight or the running, or the falling or just….him.

You realised that now with neither of you laughing you were sort of just lying there, in the snow, staring into each other’s eyes. You couldn’t think straight, it felt like the world had stopped. Suddenly, there were no other people, there was no noise, no case. No thought in your head except him and the way your heart was racing. His eyes searched yours and then seemed to take in your whole face before resting on your lips and then suddenly he lowered his head and his lips were on yours. His soft, sweet, lips – that you had dreamt of kissing for years, never thinking you ever would – were on yours.

His lips felt so soft at first, as they pushed sweetly against yours, firm and full, but then you felt them parting slightly and you felt his tongue, just lightly, sure but not overpowering, just gliding softly against the tip of yours. And then, fleetingly, his lips focused on your top lip, then your bottom lip and then you felt his tongue again. His hands were under your back pulling you closer to him, though he was right there, on you, against you and there was no more ‘closer’ to be found. He ran one hand up your back, resting in your hair, where his fingers splayed gently. Your hand had found its way to the back of his head, where it ran through the tuft of hair under the hem of his hat and played against the nape of his neck as his lips continued to press and move against yours. It was a soft, sweet kiss but also…also there was something else in it, something in how his lips caressed yours; a thrill at feelings that could never be put into words finally being able to expressed. It felt strangely ‘right’ and hot and pure and perfect all at once.

You’d dreamt about this for so long and now it was finally happening, for whatever reason, it was better, so much better. It wasn’t the kind of kiss that built with fire towards something more. It was its own fire and it was in itself enough, because it felt like tenderness and connection and wanting to be close and finally, finally getting to. His lips kept on pressing against yours and moving against them as if he was couldn’t get enough, as if he was worried if he stopped it’d all be dream and that he’d never get to be like this with you again and you felt the same, like it was magic and you didn’t ever want to break the spell.

But that’s not how magic works, and when he eventually pulled back, you couldn’t do much but stare. You were partially in shock…but also…it had been an amazing kiss. Sam had just kissed you and he was an incredible kisser…it was almost too much for your brain to process.

“Um….” You said, trying to think of something to say, wondering if he had felt it too or if it had all been in your head. “Were people watching?”

He seemed startled out of his own shocked state by your comment, suddenly moving to stand and offering you a hand to help you up. You turned to look where Nadine and Arthur had been standing but they had gone.

“I mean…yeah….they’re always watching…from somewhere, right?” Sam said, giving you a tight smile as you patted snow off your jeans. “Come on…let’s get some food…”

.

Lunch was a big buffet and as a change from the night before the tables were set out cafeteria style, presumably so guests could mingle.

You shuffled in the line of people helping themselves to food from the deep trays set out full of food. You got to a table with spaces before Sam and sat down next to an older couple.

“Hi.” Said the woman, “I’m Margie and this is my husband Roy.”

You smiled politely at them both. “Hi. Y/N.”

Sam came up to the table his plate loaded with salad and veggies and chicken. Healthy as always, you noted. There was, however, a pile of fried breaded chicken fingers on the side of his plate, which was unusual. You furrowed your brow in confusion but he picked up the stack and placed them on your plate.

“I knew you wouldn’t get enough and you’d want more. So…..Oh, there’s some mozzarella sticks in there too.” He said, wiping his fingers on his napkin and grabbing his fork to dig in to his leafy lunch.

“Well, isn’t that so sweet…” Said Margie, smiling at Sam, who politely smiled back.

“Not really, she never gets enough of the stuff she really wants.” He said, as if the explanation made the gesture less thoughtful.

“This is Margie and Roy.” You said to Sam, before turning to the couple. “This is Sam.”

“Your husband?” said Margie.

“Yeah…it’s still new.” You said hoping that was a believable reason to not have introduced him like that from the start.

“Oh….newlyweds…” said Margie, smiling dreamily. “That’s so lovely. Me and Roy here have been married for 30 years tomorrow so….not exactly newlyweds.”

“Still feels like we are.” Said Roy, piping up for the first time and reaching across the table to squeeze her hands.

You smiled. Couples who were still so obviously in love after being together so long always warmed your heart. It was rare to see, and all the more wonderful for it when you did.

“Happy nearly your anniversary!” You said.

“Thank you, honey. We come here every year for it. All the ‘Love. At Christmas.’ stuff might seem hokey to some but….it’s a nice way to celebrate.”

“I think that’s nice.” You said, honestly. “And it’s not ‘hokey’ if it’s to celebrate 30 years. That’s a hell of a milestone.”

“How long have you been together?” Margie asked.

“About fourteen years. We were friends first.” Said Sam, between bites.

“That’s the best way. Me and Roy were friends first too. I liked him so much but he had no idea.”

“I liked her and I had no clue either.” Added Roy. “Best day of my life when I found out.”

You were starting to love these two.

“We were high school sweethearts after that…and we’ve been together ever since.” They stared at each other for a moment and the love between them felt palpable. “How did you two meet?”

You were glad to be chewing at that moment as you hoped it would buy you a few moments to come up with a good story. You and Sam should’ve come up with something prearranged, you thought, annoyed that you hadn’t.

“Work. I work with my brother and we were at a work thing and in she walked. We met then and went from colleagues to friends to…this.” Sam said.

You appreciated how he had basically managed not to lie. It’d been at Harvelle’s Roadhouse and Ellen had introduced you to the boys because you needed back up on a Vetala case. But more or less, it was true.

“I still remember the first time I saw her. She walked by me in the hall after math class and I turned to my best friend and said, ‘Geez, Phil…she’s perfect.’” Roy said, his face soft at the recollection. “Phil was best man at our wedding. He told that story. But, man…she was really something…still is.”

Sam smiled widely at them. “She walked in, wearing this dress…it was hot that day and she had on this summer dress…red flowers on it…denim jacket and boots. She walked over to the bar and spoke to….um…our colleagues…and then she walked over to our table. Before she got there, my brother said ‘she’s hot’ and I said…’yeah…she is…she’s more than hot…she’s beautiful’ and I said, ‘that can’t be who we’re here to meet…we’re not that lucky’….but we were. She came over and sat down and we talked…at the end of the night…I said the same thing to my brother…’that girl…she’s perfect.’”

You stared at Sam who resolutely avoided your gaze. You remembered the night, remembered the dress, remembered all of it. Was what he’d just said been true or was he just embellishing for Margie and Roy?

Margie placed her hand over yours on the table. “You know…we are very lucky women…not everyone gets to be loved the way these guys love us.”

You smiled at her and nodded.

“Anyway…..we’re gonna need a coffee or two before we do our Gingerbread House Making class, so we’ll leave you too it but it was so nice spending time with a young couple in love.”

“Gingerbread House….I’m diabetic…” Roy said, laughing.

“It’s for the grandkids, Roy…” Margie said, in a mock exasperated tone.

The older couple wandered away, leaving you with no one next to you and you staring at Sam.

“What?” He said, wide eyed and innocent.

“That was pretty near the truth there….” You said, afraid to simply ask if he’d been telling the truth, if he’d really said that.

“Best lies contain a kernel of the truth, right?….Oh, and I’m sorry about before…the whole kiss thing…you just told me to be convincing…so, I was trying to be convincing….”

“Right. Sure. It was.” You said, trying not to let that deflated feeling in you show on your face. But you felt it. The deflation. You had to try not to get caught up in it all, you told yourself. “So…it’s nice and all…doing all the ‘activities’ but we have a case to work and I feel like we’re not….working it…”

“Well…I could break into Nadine’s office if you distract her…and you could maybe try and ask her some questions? The stuff I arranged for this afternoon isn’t for a while yet. We have time.”

“Sure. Fine.” You said, glad to have something to focus on other than the sad, sinking feeling in your chest.

.

You found Nadine in the lounge after lunch.

“Hi! How was ice skating?” She asked.

“Yeah…Sam’s much better than me. But it was nice.” You said, honestly. “Nadine, this place is so…fun. It must take a lot to organise something like this?”

“It does….but I just love it. Christmas and Love. They are my two favourite things in the world. So, it’s a pleasure really.”

“Have you been running it long?”

“8 years now. Though it feels like just yesterday I ran my first ‘Love. At Christmas.’…it’s such a pleasure to see all the wonderful couples come through here. Like you and Sam. He is such a keeper. You should’ve seen him last night, putting together little surprises for you!!”

“He’s sweet like that.” You said, nodding, a little smile creeping across your face at the thought.

“You…are a lucky duck!” She said, giggling.

You laughed along with her. “Sure am! What about you? Is there a….Mr Nadine?”

“There was….he…passed.”

“I’m so sorry.”

She didn’t say anything for a moment and seeing her grief cross over her features, you really did feel sorry for a moment.

“So…are you ready for ‘The Snow Ball’, tomorrow?” She asked, regrouping.

“Ready, as I’ll ever be!….I’m not one for…” You were going to say ‘balls’ but the immature side you of you knew you’d laugh, you’d been spending too much time with Dean. “…events like that.”

“Ohhh….it’s special…I’m sure you’ll have a….well…a ball!” Nadine guffawed at her own joke as you nodded along, forcing an amused smile.

Suddenly you felt a pair of strong arms around you.

“There’s my girl!” He said, wrapping his arms around you from behind, and pecking a kiss on your cheek. “Sweetie, I was thinking, maybe we should go relax in our room for a while…maybe have a nap….before the next ‘activity.’”

“Oh! ‘Relax’…” said Nadine, laughing as if she’d cracked a code, as she tapped her nose and winked at Sam. “Newlyweds! Well, I won’t bring anything over this time….and don’t worry…everything is ready for later…I’ll say no more.”

As you walked back to the cabin, you couldn’t help but complain to Sam.

“What is that woman on? What even is she? That intensely cheery, jolly, over the top, sickly sweetness….it’s….disturbing.”

“Did you find anything out?”

“She says she’s been running this little operation for 8 years. Loves Christmas. Loves Love. Yadda yadda. Dead husband. You?”

“Employment records. Arthur, the porter, started working here three years ago.”

“When people started going missing.”

“Mmmm hmmm.”

You entered the cabin.

“I definitely don’t think there’s a pagan thing going on here. There’s no evidence to suggest it.” Sam said, making his way to the loveseat and sitting down.

“So what is happening?” You said, making your way over there without thinking and then just standing awkwardly, realising that you’d have to curl up against him again.

“Hell if I know….What are you doing?”

“Um…”

“Are we going to have to do this every time we want to sit down in here?” He asked, exasperatedly.

You rolled your eyes and took a deep breath, before sitting next to him. He lifted his arm and you let yourself roll into him again, your head on his chest as he let his arm rest against you.

“Why are you so stubborn about all of this? You spent the whole night practically in my arms…”

“What? I…I thought you were asleep. I didn’t mean for that to happen…it was the roll…in the mattress.”

“It’s fine. I know you didn’t mean it. I woke up at one point and you were just…there.”

“You could have rolled me away.”

You felt him shrug against you. “We’re friends…we hug and sit close anyway…it didn’t seem like that big a deal.”

It had felt like a big deal to you. The room was quiet for a moment.

“When’s the next surprise?” You asked.

“In a couple of hours.”

“You know you don’t have to stick to this surprise thing.”

“I know. I’m not doing it because I ‘have’ to. I’m doing it because I want to.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know…when we were talking, last night, at dinner, you said that the hunter life isn’t all jingle bells and presents under the tree…or something like that. That stuff like that was for a different life. ‘No point wanting things you can’t have’….and I just….I hate the idea that there are things you feel you can’t even want because you can’t have them. I want you to have all that stuff…the warm, sparkly Christmas joy stuff…I want you to have that. You deserve it. I want you to have everything. You should have all the good things….all the pretty things and happy things. I can’t give you a different life, perhaps…but I can bring some of those things in to this one. Maybe.”

You weren’t really sure what to say. You were so moved by him and his big, sweet, kind heart.

“Thanks Sam.”

“You don’t know what it is yet. You might not like it.”

“I’ll like it.” You said, certain that if he’d put so much care into it, you would.

.

A few hours later, there was a knock on the door.

“I think that might be for you.” He said, smiling so wide his dimples showed.

You opened the door. Arthur was stood there.

“Your carriage awaits.” He said, stepping aside to let you see a big beautiful sleigh, pulled by reindeer, with the seat full of cushions and blankets.

“A sleigh ride?!” You asked Sam, actually excited. You hadn’t really thought about the reality of what it might look like when you’d heard people talking about them but now, with the sleigh in front of you…it looked magical. Sam came up behind you, his hands resting on the top of your arms. You turned your head to look at him and saw the face he was pulling, a little unsure and as if he was braced, unsure if he’d done good or not.

“Good surprise? Or….”

“I love it.” You said, pretty sure that the huge, wide smile that you couldn’t shift from your face was proof enough that you meant it.

He leaned in and whispered, “I didn’t know he’d be ‘driving.’”

You shrugged and whispered back, “It’s fun and recon. Perfect!”

He helped you on with your jacket, which you didn’t need him to do but let him make a big fuss of for Arthur’s benefit, and watched as he went outside to stroke the reindeer.

“Hey buddy.” He said, with affection in his voice and on his face as he ran his hands across the reindeer’s flank. Sam was adorable with animals. When he saw dogs, you loved to watch how he squatted down and petted them, full of joy and love. He was the same now, moving around to the other side of the sleigh to give the same attention to the reindeer on the other side. You were staring at him, watching, lost in how wonderful he was, when you became aware of the way Arthur was in turn watching you. You gave him a clipped smile and climbed into the sleigh. There were a lot of blankets in there and you arranged them over you, happy to have the warmth in the snowy chill.

“There are flasks of hot chocolate and mulled wine, just there.” Arthur said, pointing to the bottom of the sleigh, where sure enough you saw flasks. Then he climbed up, into the front compartment.

“Thank you.” You shouted in his direction as Sam climbed into the seat with you. You arranged the blankets so they covered him too. “Making friends with Rudolph?” You asked.

He shrugged. “Just wanted to make sure they were well looked after and stuff. We’re not exactly in Lapland, I was worried that maybe they didn’t know how to keep ‘em happy and healthy…but they seem good. Shiny coats and strong antlers.”

You felt yourself melt, like you always did when he said or did something sweet and kind and thoroughly Sam like. He put his arm around you and you leaned against him. He kissed the top of your head and whispered, “That guy’s creepy as fuck, right?”

“Mmmm hmmm.” You said, keeping cheer in your voice so as to be discreet.

And off you went. You took in Sam’s watchful gaze as he made sure that Arthur was treating the reindeer well, not whipping or cruelly mistreating them, and you watched him relax when he was convinced they were OK. This, you thought, this was why you loved him.

The world seemed to fly by, snow covered and beautiful.

“You want a hot drink? Hot chocolate or mulled wine?”

“Mulled wine. I might be a bit cocoa and chocolate’d out.”

You poured him a steaming cup of mulled wine and he blew on it and took a tentative sip. He smiled.

“’S good.” He said.

“You look happy.” You said, smiling as you settled back into the crook of his arm.

You saw his eyes shift to the back of Arthur, in front of you. “You make me happy.” He said.

You tried to ignore the little ache in you that he was acting. He’d still done this lovely, kind thing for you. It should be enough.

You had a medley of Christmas songs running through your head. ‘Sleigh Ride’ and ’Winter Wonderland’ and ‘Let it Snow.’ How did you just know the lyrics, you wondered. Were people just born with an innate knowledge of the words to Christmas songs? Still….it was pretty perfect. You’d started off around the main buildings, with all the trees lit up by fairy lights, as dusk began to ever so slightly darken the sky, but now you were further away. There were no lights that had been hung, no ornate lampposts, beautiful as they were…it was just nature. The pine trees and the snow, with the mountains in the distance.

You noticed Sam smiling as he looked at you.

“What?” You asked.

“You just look…full of awe and wonder…you look full of wonder and also wonderful.” He said, seeming pleased with his word play. He pulled you closer and kissed you on the temple. “You look happy.”

You knew that this was a fitting moment to repeat his earlier ‘You make me happy’ comment but…it didn’t feel right to lie. It wasn’t his fault but as much as he did make you happy; as a friend, as a kind, caring, wonderful person in your life…there was sadness there too. It was your own stupid fault for falling in love with your best friend, you thought. But still, this was such a perfect moment, here on the sleigh that you couldn’t bring yourself to sully it with a half truth. So you found something true to say instead.

“And you look really handsome.” You watched as his eyes narrowed at you, sensing something was up. But you gave him a warm smile and then looked at the thick clumps of falling snow and the night sky seemingly thickening above you, let the tinkling of the sleigh bells ringing through the air soothe you and tried to let go of thoughts that weren’t helpful. This was a beautiful surprise. You wanted to let yourself enjoy it.

And so you did.

A few minutes later, you felt Sam nudge you and when you looked at him, he nodded his head into the distance. You looked to where he was directing your attention and saw a cemetery, snow settled over multitudes of headstones and crypts. It seemed strange after spending so much time at the retreat, where everything was so shiny and happy, pointedly so, to see something so bleak and real. Perhaps it was a coincidence…but years of hunting had taught you that that was very rarely the case. Sam clearly thought it was significant to the case too and you trusted his judgement implicitly. Still, you couldn’t really talk about it with Arthur in earshot so it would have to wait.

You rubbed your hands together, feeling the chill in your fingertips.

“You cold?” Sam asked, ever observant.

“A little.”

He took your hands in his and rubbed his giant paws over yours so the friction kept the nip at bay.

“Shouldn’t we be heading back soon? Isn’t it dinner time soon?” You asked.

“Don’t worry.” He said, “It’s under control.” And you watched a pleased but mischievous smile spread across his face.

“What have you done?” You asked.

“It’s not a surprise if I tell you.”

“There are more surprises?”

“You thought there was just one?” He said, his face looking both smug and incredulous. “When I surprise my woman…I surprise my woman…”

It was hard not to smile at how adorable he was. You chose to ignore any feelings about how he phrased it, for this weekend at least that was the role. You had committed to play it. So you would.

It wasn’t long before the sleigh stopped. Sam got out of the sleigh and offered you his hand to help you down.

“Where are we?” You asked, looking around at the trees dusted with the white fluff of snow.

“You’ll see.” He said, turning to follow Arthur, your hand still in his. You walked between the pines and there in front of you was a roaring campfire, warmth rolling from it in waves. Not too far from it was a wooden seat with a high back, big enough for two, with cushions and blankets on it, waiting. Sam led you to it and motioned for you to sit.

“Get comfortable.” He said, “Get warm.”

You settled yourself onto the seat, and he settled in next to you, close. He pulled the thick, velvety blankets around the both of you.

“Good?” He asked.

“Yeah.” You said, still a bit unsure exactly what you were doing here, but enjoying it all the same.

“Hungry?”

“A little.”

He nodded, firstly at you and then over your shoulder at Arthur who rolled a trolley from out of nowhere, or so it seemed. The trolley was the right height to form a table when he stopped it as he did, directly in front of you and Sam. On it, were candles and drinks, napkins and cutlery and two silver domed cloches.

“Well, this is fancy.” You said, a little taken aback.

Arthur lifted the domes, and retreated wordlessly away from you into the dark.

“He’s not one for small talk, huh?” You said, before actually taking in the plate in front of you. “Macaroni Cheese?!”

“Yeah….when you were sick…after….y’know….it was the only thing you wanted to eat.”

“I remember. It’s my comfort food. And you rarely let me have it.”

“I let you have it! But it’s just cheese and pasta….there’s minimal nutritional benefit to it and you were healing!….And anyway, you said, for you…’if happy was a meal, it’d be Mac n’ Cheese.’ So….I wanted to give you some happy.”

“And you’re gonna eat it too?” You said, looking at his plate.

“If it’s your ‘happy’, I’m gonna share it.”

You stared at him for a moment, as he undid his napkin and rolled the silverware out of it.

“They don’t have stuff like this on the menu. I remember from yesterday…it was…fancier…”

“I know.”

“You got them to make it special.”

He nodded.

As you took a bite, you felt it melt dreamily in your mouth. It didn’t taste like normal ‘outside’ Mac n’ Cheese, it tasted…..familiar.

“Sam….did you give them…..the Mac n’ Cheese recipe from my special notebook?”

“Your family recipe? With the ‘secret’ ingredients? Yeah…that’s what I used when you were sick…so…oh, actually, in fact…..” he reached under ‘tablecloth’ draped across the trolley, looking for something on the lower shelf, and brought up a plate of cut up sausages, something you liked to add to your Mac n’ Cheese, something you’d done as a kid. It was sweet how he remembered all the little touches. You felt touched by his efforts. It must’ve registered on your face but clearly not in a way he recognised.

“What? Did I get it wrong?” He asked, sounding worried.

“No…it’s all exactly right….but it’s so nice…it’s such a thoughtful gesture…..”

“It’s just sausage…and carbs….”

“All this to convince people we’re a real couple?” You asked, in a hushed tone, in case Arthur was skulking, which he invariably was.

“All this because, like I told you….I want to make……because you deserve to be happy….” He looked slightly embarrassed, “…and like I said, it’s just carbs. Really not a big deal. Eat up, it’ll get cold.” 

You ate and drank and then Arthur appeared from the shadows to take the trolley away. He clearly was watching. He was starting to really creep you out.

“Thank you for the lovely fireside dinner.” You said to Sam.

He settled in to the corner of the seat, leaning into it, reorganising himself and the blankets so there was space for you to lean back against him.

“We’re not heading back? That’s not all?” You asked as you turned slightly, settling between his legs and reclining so that your back lay against his broad chest.

“I thought it might be nice to do some star gazing of our own. Away from everyone else.” He said.

Sam and Dean had told you many times about how sometimes, on long cross country journeys, they would sit on the Impala and watch the stars and you’d said, just as many times that that sounded wonderful. But you’d never wanted to crash something that was so special, so ‘theirs’. The bond they shared warmed your heart and you had always wanted to be respectful of that.

“But that’s a you and Dean thing…”

“Look up.” He said, as he raised his head himself. You saw so many stars laid out across the night sky, more than you had ever seen before. So many, all bright, shining there against the black velvet sky. It was truly breath taking. “There are so many stars to see. It’s a big sky. I can have that with Dean and also have it with you. There are a lot of stars to go round.”

“It’s so beautiful.” You almost whispered, full of awe at how spectacular nature could be.

He leaned down, his head next to your ear and softly kissed the patch of skin behind it. “You’re beautiful.” He whispered, his arms wrapping tighter around you and his body slightly swaying you, ever so softly in his arms.

You swallowed thickly. It felt like a dream. Better than a dream because you could feel the actual physicality of him drawn around you, holding you, reminding you that this was real. Except it wasn’t, you reminded yourself. It was the benefit of watchful eyes lurking in the shadows of the pines. But the kiss, soft and chaste as it was had made your insides pulse, and his voice, low and quiet, whispering those words in your ear, had made your heart feel like it was melting in your chest.

You couldn’t say anything. So you didn’t. You just lay back against him, and watched the stars, warmed by the dancing flames of the campfire and the nearness of him.

“If you could wish for anything right now….what would you wish for?! He asked, softly.

“Was there a shooting star? I missed it.”

“No. But it’s Christmas…isn’t that supposed to be a time for wishes?”

You laughed a little. “I wouldn’t know. Usually it’s a time for trying to wash Rugaru remains out of my clothes and hoping Dean brings back good take out.”

“OK…but now…here…what would you wish for?”

“I have the two best friends that anyone could wish for. The kindest, bravest, most awesome guys. And they let me live with them, in their home. They nurse me back to health when I’m broken and put up with me when I’m crabby. They get me Mac n’ Cheese and look at the stars with me…to want anything else would be greedy….”

“So be greedy.”

You couldn’t tell him what you’d wish for. Couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that it was him. That he was what your heart yearned for more than anything and had done for years.

“What about ‘Love. At Christmas’?” He said, and you could hear the quotation marks around the words just from his tone.

“I told you, no point wanting what you can’t have…”

“But that’s what I’m trying to get you to see…you should want things…I want you to want things…whatever they are….I want to get them for you….”

“I know you do….but with a best friend who says things like that…..how could I want anything more?”

It was a question you’d asked yourself many times before.


	4. Chapter 4

You stayed out there looking at the stars for a while and then made your way back, with a sleigh ride back to the Lodge.

“Nadine wants to see you.” Arthur said, taciturn as always as he ushered you towards the Lodge doors.

You and Sam entered and found the ‘Fireside Singsong’ well underway. You made your way to the open doorway of the lounge and looked inside. A host of guests, including Margie and Roy, were gathered around the piano, singing ‘Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.” This song always made you sad, bittersweet as it was with its words that should be happy but somehow always sounded so melancholy.

Sam squeezed your hand. “You OK?” He asked.

How did he know? How did he always know when you felt sad….?

You nodded, you hoped convincingly.

Nadine had seen you and made her way over to you both.

“Hello you two! How were the surprises?”

“They were beautiful Nadine, thank you.” You said.

“They were all Sam’s ideas…well, he took what we do and added a twist just for you…I was wondering if you had any ideas about what you might want to do tomorrow?”

Tomorrow really should be spent figuring out the case, you thought. You were running out of time and all the activities, fun as they were, hadn’t brought you any closer to solving it.

“I think, if it’s alright with you, as lovely as today was. I’d like to spend some free time with my husband, here. To just….be together, you know?….and we have the Ball to get ready for…so….”

“No activities?”

“No scheduled fun, no. We’ll….make our own.” You said, gazing at Sam adoringly. It was for her benefit, but also, it wasn’t hard to do. He smiled back at you, matching the affection you were radiating.

“Sounds good to me, sweetheart.” He said, through a smile so wide it almost looked genuine.

“Well….alright then…but can you stop by here tomorrow at some point? I just need you though, Y/N….its paperwork and you made the booking so….”

“Sure Nadine.” You said. You and Sam were about to turn to go when Nadine, loudly fake coughed to get your attention.

You raised an eyebrow at her in inquiry as to what she wanted, and followed her eyes as they made an over the top upward journey. There in the centre of the doorway hung a bunch of mistletoe. Like a trap, you thought.

“Oh, we’re not really ones for tradition-“ You started to say, but Sam had other ideas. Your hand still in his, he turned you towards him and pulled you close. His eyes looked radiant and blue, with flecks of sunflower gold in them and he smiled, soft and warm.

He shrugged. “We can make an exception, can’t we? Merry Christmas, baby.” He said, sweetly, as his hand that wasn’t holding yours reached up, grazing your neck on its way to settle its fingertips lightly in the hair behind your ear and pull your lips to his. It was a soft kiss, gentle, but it seemed so heartfelt, so real. The hand that had been in yours let go of it and ran up your waist and around your back, pulling you even closer and you felt the lightest graze of his tongue against your lips before he pulled back.

You felt stunned even though you’d kissed earlier that day. It was shorter and more restrained than before, which wasn’t a surprise, even in different circumstances you felt like Sam would hold back if he was kissing in front of an audience, but still, just like before, it felt….like magic. It felt….real.

“Well!…..” said Nadine, fanning herself with her hand melodramatically. “Love….At Christmas….Indeed!!”

You gave her a very forced smile and Sam sensing your swiftly ebbing patience for her, took your hand and said goodnight to her on your behalf as he led you out of the Lodge and back to your cabin.

The walk back was spent in stunned silence. On your behalf anyway. That was twice he’d kissed you now and even though you knew it was all part of the act, the kisses had left you feeling…like all your longing, all your emotions were being pulled forwards, from the dark recesses of your mind where you tried to keep them and into the light, which was less than ideal.

“Listen, I’m sorry. Should I not have done that?” Sam asked, as you approached the cabin door.

“What? The kiss?” You said, trying to sound nonchalant, as you turned the key in the lock of the cabin door. “It’s fine. I said it was fine. Gotta sell it right?”

“You said it was fine but…you’re acting weird.” He said, following you inside, where unsurprisingly, the fire was lit and hot drinks were waiting.

“I was surprised, that’s all. I’m not acting weird.” You said, taking off your jacket and striding across the room to get your things and make your way to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

When you left the bathroom, Sam entered it and the tension in the cabin seemed thick and palpable.

You got into bed, and when he came out, he stood, in his pyjamas and stared at you.

“I don’t…..” He started, letting out a frustrated huff when he obviously couldn’t find the right words.

“What?” You said, softly. Kindly. Mindful that no matter how freaked out you were, he done nothing wrong.

“You say you’re fine but you’re obviously not. And I feel like I did something wrong but you said that I didn’t. And now I don’t know where to sleep….because I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…but I don’t want to sleep on the chair and make a big thing out of it….”

You couldn’t help smiling at him.

“What?” He said, kindly too.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a situation where you seemed so frustrated or so unsure of yourself or what to do…..it’s….endearing…..But I am fine. Really. It was unexpected that’s all. You did absolutely nothing wrong. And you should get into bed. Honestly, everything is fine.”

And it was sort of a lie. But it was a kind one.

He got into bed and turned out the lights and you both lay there, on your backs, like you had the night before.

“I am sorry…if I made you feel bad…when I kissed you.” He said, into the darkness.

“You didn’t make me feel bad.”

“What did you feel?”

“What?”

“You didn’t feel ‘bad’….so I dunno….what did you feel? Name an emotion.”

Was ‘briefly ecstatic and then distracted by desire followed immediately by intense yearning that dovetailed into the sadness of loving someone who would never be yours’ an emotion, you wondered?

“Um….” You tried to find something to say that wasn’t straying too far from the truth, “Surprised?”

“We’re supposed to be newlyweds standing under mistletoe at a retreat called ‘Love. At Christmas’….you were surprised that I kissed you?”

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t think it through. And we weren’t under mistletoe this afternoon.”

“That was different. It seemed….like the right thing to do, in the moment.”

It was silent for a moment.

“Y/N? Will you promise me that you’d tell me if I made you feel uncomfortable? I’d hate it if I had…but also, I’d want you to tell me the truth.”

You thought about it and no, ‘uncomfortable’ was not an emotion either kiss had made you feel. “I promise, Sam. You didn’t make me feel uncomfortable…..hey, wait a minute….why is all the focus on how I feel? How did you feel?”

“Um…..I don’t know…impressed? You’re a good kisser.”

You weren’t sure if it was how unexpected his answer was or just the nervousness you’d felt asking but an unbidden raucous laugh flew out of you and then settled into a long steady bout of giggles.

“What?” He asked, before laughing too. “You are.”

“Thanks Sam. That’s good to know.”

He turned on his side and like the night before, the roll of the mattress pushed him into your shoulder. This time he didn’t shuffle away or apologise though.

“If we’re going to end up spooning anyway…and we’ve already kissed twice today…and as we’ve now established it was fine and no one felt bad…you wanna just start off like that?”

You weighed it up in your mind and had to admit, it was a compelling argument.

You were so tired of constantly fighting with yourself. Of driving forwards, with the case, with your life as you knew it, with your friendship with Sam – always with the handbrake of ‘trying to keep your wayward feelings in check’ creating a dragging resistance. It was exhausting. And right now, all you wanted to do was be close to him. To be in his arms and feel him near.

“Yeah. OK.” You said, turning and letting his strong arm pull you into him.

“This is nice.” He half whispered into your ear, his arm settling against yours with his thumb stroking slowly against the skin of your forearm where your sleeve had ridden up.

“Sam?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you. For today. All the thoughtful surprises and stuff. It was just…..it was really nice…so…thank you.”

“You never have to thank me for showing you how special you are to me. I like making you happy.”

You knew it was true. You felt it. He kissed the back of your head. It was soft and sweet. Like him.

“Goodnight Y/N.”

“G’night Sam.”

You must have settled into the peace of being in his arms because you slept well. Deep and all the way through to the next morning. When you woke naturally, without an alarm, the clock on the nightstand told you it was nearly 8. His arm was still holding you close, pulled in towards the warmth of him. You were lying there, trying to figure out what the hell you were going to do about the case, when Sam’s sleeping mass shifted, ever so slightly and you became aware of an impressively large amount of pressure against your lower back.

Oh, you thought, embarassed and wondering how to best handle this situation. Oh.

He was stirring and with each moment seemed to be moving more as consciousness dawned.

You moved away and got out of bed hurriedly.

“Wha….mornin’….where’s the fire?…..oh…oh God….was I….did I ‘poke’ you with…?” He said, going from sleepy ease to mortification in one jumbled collection of words.

“Morning!” You said, overcompensating for the awkwardness with faux jolliness.

“Y/N…I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean-“

“What? No! Don’t be silly! It’s fine!” You said, scrambling around the room to try and pick up things that you would need to get ready for the day ahead and backing your way into the bathroom. “It’s…honestly….it’s not my first rodeo….I know it’s not me…it’s….Biology!! And we’re all grown ups here….nothing to be embarrassed about…and I mean….really…nothing to be embarrassed about at all…..all….very….impressive….not that I….” Oh God, what were you even saying?! “I’m going to get dressed.”

You slammed the bathroom door and leaned against it, a myriad of thoughts rushing through your head. Firstly, as much as you hated it, some childish part of you found it all highly amusing. Then, there was the part of you that was embarrassed by your very uncool babbling response. And then there was the part of you that was somewhat taken aback by, and legitimately impressed and intrigued by….the sheer size of what you’d felt. It was a lot to process. And, you thought, as you turned on the taps of the giant bathtub, probably best not to dwell on it right now.

You bathed and got ready for the day ahead and when you left the bathroom Sam was waiting to use it himself. He paused as he walked past you.

“Impressive, huh?” He said, looking like he was trying to hold in a laugh.

You felt yourself smiling, embarrassedly, despite yourself. “I panicked.”

He nodded his head slowly as he raised an eyebrow. The smirk on his face was not one you’d seen before. It was, however, sexy as hell.

“Panic? Good to know that’s the reaction.” He said and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I am sorry…if it was awkward…or weird.” His tone was more recognisably ‘Sam’ now.

“We’re good.” You said, smiling at him. “Hurry up and get dressed…I want breakfast…..and there’s like, a case to solve still, so…we can’t just stand here all day, discussing your p-”

“Yeah, alright.” He said, making his way into the bathroom and shutting the door.

.

With no breakfast in bed that day, you and Sam made your way to the Main Lodge and to the Dining Hall, again organised cafeteria style with a buffet. You loaded up your plate and saw Margie waving you over to sit next to her and Roy, and you and Sam made your way over.

“Morning.” You said. “Happy Anniversary! How are you guys today?”

“Good, thank you for asking, honey.” Margie said. “We went star gazing last night. The stars are so beautiful here.”

“Aren’t they? We did that too.”

“Oh…I didn’t see you?”

“Oh no, Sam organised for us to do it on our own.” You said, hearing the note of pride in your own voice.

“Well….isn’t that romantic?!”

Sam looked embarrassed, as she looked at him impressed. “Hey, Margie?” He said, “ You guys come here every year, right?”

“Certainly do.”

“Were you not put off by the couples that went missing?”

“What? I don’t know what you mean?”

“Over the past few years….three couples have gone missing. We only found out this morning when I was googling some stuff.”

“We live out of state…and I never heard about it….which couples?” Margie said, looking visibly shaken.

“Oh….hold on….” Sam said, making a show of finding the ‘article’ on his phone. “Um…Michael and Lois Lockwood. Colin and Megan Yang. And Luke and Phoebe Branning.”

“They were all the newlyweds.” Roy said.

“Oh, yes. They were all the ones in the Honeymoon Suite.”

“Who’s in the Honeymoon Suite now?”

“I don’t know.” Margie said.

You felt bad to have burst their bubble, especially as Margie seemed so upset at the news.

“You know…they might not have disappeared. They might have just got the story wrong…you know sensationalism….and stuff….clickbait…and all that.” You said.

“You think so?” Margie asked.

“Yeah….and they wouldn’t keep taking risks if there was any danger. I’m sure it’s all fine. Sam just worries.”

“Yeah. I do. I just….she’s precious cargo, you know….but I’m sure Y/N’s right. I’m so sorry if I worried you. They probably got it wrong.” Sam said, picking up on your lead.

“So…” You said to Sam, after you’d made enough small talk with Margie and Roy to make them forget about the missing couples and for them to leave for their Wreath Making class, and after you’d eaten your fill of breakfast food. “…Honeymoon Suite, huh?”

“You want to go see what it was Nadine wanted and I’ll go investigate the suite?”

“Shouldn’t we go together?”

“I’ll be quick. I just want to know who is in there. They’re probably the next victims.”

“Not if I have anything to do with it.”

He smiled at you affectionately.

“What?”

“Nothing….you’re just cute when you’re being heroic and shit.”

You rolled your eyes. “How patronising of you….but OK, fine. You go do that and let’s meet up again in half an hour or so…but…text me if there’s anything weird or you need me, OK?”

“Sure. Course…..hey….by the way…what are you wearing for the ball, tonight?”

“What? A dress. Why?”

He rolled his eyes at you. “I figured that much. What colour?”

“Blue. Why?”

“Oh…no reason…I was just wondering if I should wear a tie that matched it or something.”

“I think it’s black tie…which means you should probably wear…a black tie.”

“Oh…right. My mistake. I don’t really know about stuff like that. So light blue or dark blue?”

“Light blue.”

“Like Cinderella? In the cartoon?”

You laughed. “I guess. Why are you being so weird about this?”

“I’m not. I was just curious. But, yeah, sure…black tie. Of course. Anyway….I’ll see you soon.” He said, and you both left the dining hall. Sam went up one of the staircases to go see where the Honeymoon Suite was and you loitered in the foyer, hoping to see Nadine.

True to form, you’d only been there a minute or so when you heard her voice, like nails down a blackboard with its effervescent cheerfulness.

“Mrs Winchester!! Good Morning to you!!”

“Yeah, hi. Morning. You said you needed me for some paperwork?”

“Oh, yes! Would you like to come to my office with me…I just, need you to sign the booking form. Should have done it when you checked in but….silly me!!….I just plum forgot.”

That seemed strange as Nadine may have been annoying but she was clearly the person in charge and that level of ditziness didn’t seem in keeping with her style of leadership, but still….even if it was odd, even if it was a trap, it was a lead of sorts.

“Sure. Let’s go.”

.

You had expected her office to look like Dolores Umbridge’s office in Harry Potter but it didn’t. It was a normal office; desk, stationery, lamp. From the pot of pens to the heavy looking paperweight balanced on a stack of pages it was all so very normal.

You took a seat and signed the form, annoyed at yourself for getting a small thrill, like a schoolgirl practicing her crushes surname in her signature as you signed ‘Y/N Winchester.’

“So….you and Sam….” Nadine said, as you handed the form across the desk to her.

“Me and Sam….” You said, mirroring her tone, hoping that she realised that that wasn’t an actual question.

“It’s been so long since I was a newlywed…but you guys are so sweet together. You remind me. How nice it is, being in love like that.”

“I’m sorry. If it brings back painful memories.”

“Oh no…I couldn’t run something like this if I got upset by people in love. I adore romantic stuff. All the soppy stuff…I love it. I get the impression that you don’t, though?”

“What? No. Why would you say that?”

“The jokes. The faces…..it does make me wonder why you’d come to something like this?”

She had obviously seen through the pretence of you being into all the over the top lovey dovey stuff. You decided to take another, more believable tack.

“Yeah, I guess that stuff isn’t really for me. But Sam…it’s nice to spend time with him and do stuff like that. The ice skating, the sleigh ride, the star gazing….the idea of them seems…well, to quote a friend, ‘hokey’ as hell….but doing them with him…it’s different. It’s nice.”

“Well, OK, that I understand. Sam…well, he’s obviously a tall drink of water…man like that would make any girl want romance.”

“Yeah….he’s…..” You found yourself at a loss to try and sum him up.

“Handsome?” She suggested, laughing.

“Well, yeah. He is. The most handsome man I’ve ever met…but it’s more than that…”

“Do tell.”

“Well…..like you said, he’s handsome. Gorgeous and beautiful and hot…all of those things. But he’s also just…he’s kind. Really kind. He has this big beautiful heart and he just wants to take care of everyone and make sure they are OK. He’s protective and empathetic. And he’s just…such a good man. A great man, in fact. The greatest. And he’s super smart. And funny…but in this really understated, considered way, y’know? He’s brave too. Brave and noble….like something out of a freakin’ Fairy Tale. The kind of guy you dream about when you’re a little girl. Or at least, I did. He’s so big and strong……which is sexy as hell…but he’s also just sweet….he’s really, really sweet. And genuine and honest and when he loves, he loves with his whole heart. He’s been through a lot of stuff in his life but he just keeps loving…keeps loving hard and fierce and unapologetically. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever known. He’s better than anyone I’ve ever known….”

You’d lost yourself for a moment. It was easier than you thought to talk about loving Sam. You hadn’t realised how good it would feel to actually be able to.

“…so, yeah. Sorry….got a bit carried away there.” You laughed, nervously, unused to voicing these honest but vulnerable emotions.

Nadine smiled at you. “Not a problem. I can see you love him very much.”

You took a deep breath, a little taken aback by the turn the conversation had taken. “Well, if there’s nothing else…?”

“I think I have everything I need.” Nadine said, getting up to show you out.

You made your way to the lounge and got yourself a hot cup of coffee. You sat on one of the couches there and watched the couples as they sat in each other’s arms there on the comfy chairs or walked past the doorway with arms interlinked. You felt a little sad and sorry for yourself. It hadn’t affected you that much before because you’d either been with Sam or thinking about the case, but now you felt it, how much deep down, hidden under your wise cracks and cynicism, you wanted it; Love. You sat there and drank your coffee as you tried to rally yourself into a more positive head space, and by the time you’d drained your cup you started to wonder where Sam was. You got up and decided to see if you could track him down, and started wondering through the corridors of the Lodge that you hadn’t explored before.

As you turned down one particular passageway, you heard his voice. He was talking to Nadine who was clearly pursuing the same line of questioning with him as she had done with you. You stepped back, into a deep doorway that allowed you to stay hidden as you eavesdropped.

“…yeah, Y/N’s not really into that kind of thing. She never has been really, not as long as I’ve known her. Romance isn’t really her thing.” You heard Sam say.

“Romance is everyone’s thing, Sam. We all want love. Maybe she doesn’t appreciate the whole ‘hearts and flowers’ obvious stuff, like some, but she seems to enjoy being romantic with you? You make a lovely couple.”

You heard him huff slightly. “Well, thank you Nadine, that’s very kind of you to say.”

“And what about you? Do you like all this romantic stuff?”

“Um….maybe it’s not for me, in general….but it’s fun with Y/N…..she deserves to have some cheesy, over the top, romantic stuff in her life, whether she thinks she likes it or not. I might not be into the…what was it…’hearts and flowers’ stuff….but seeing her smile on the sleigh ride or when we were looking at the stars…that? That I liked.” 

“Oh, is she not really one for smiling as a general rule?”

“Y/N? Oh no…that’s not what I meant. She smiles…a lot. And laughs. She has an incredible laugh. She’s very funny and warm and sweet. Honestly….her smile could light up a room. It’s just…it’s nice being the reason for it, y’know?”

“Is that what made you fall in love with her? Her sense of humour? I’m always so interested in these kinds of things….my husband was not funny at all….but I loved him anyway.”

“There isn’t one reason, really…I mean, I thought she was beautiful from the first moment I laid eyes on her and she is…you just have to look at her to know that…but yeah, she’s also just really funny and smart…and kind….and patient. She has a temper on her…” He laughed, affectionately. “…but she’s patient underneath it, you should see her put up with the jokes my brother tells….and she’s just….she’s wonderful….she’s perfect….I said it the first day I met her and I’ve thought it every day since.”

“Well…that’s lovely.”

You heard them start walking towards you and quickly moved so you could leave the passageway before you could be detected.

Your curiosity was piqued when you heard Sam say “Nadine….I was wondering if you could help me with one more surprise for Y/N…” but you had no choice but to leave.

You left the Lodge and walked a little way from the door. You pulled your phone from your jacket pocket and called Dean.

“Ahhhh…if it isn’t my sister in law, the lovely Mrs Winchester! How’s the honeymoon?”

“Very funny. It’s fine though we haven’t cracked the case yet….You alright?”

“Awwww…you worried about me? That’s sweet. And I’m good. Been watching Christmas movies and getting in the Christmas spirit.”

“Christmas movies?”

“Die Hard. Hey….I’m going Christmas shopping later…any requests for what Santa should bring you?”

“Dean….we never exactly have traditional Christmases….”

“Sammy’s request. No hunting this year.”

“What? When did he say that?”

“When I spoke to him earlier. He said he didn’t want anyone ‘washing Rugaru out of their clothes’ this year. Told me to get a tree and everything. Don’t worry…I’ll wait for you to get back so we can decorate it together…it’ll be like our own little Hallmark movie.”

“Dean…..”

“Yeah…..”

“…..Do you remember the first time I met you and Sam?”

“At the roadhouse? Yeah, of course.”

“Did Sam say anything to you? About me? That day?”

There was an uncomfortable silence down the phone.

“Dean?”

“Like what?”

“Did he….” You couldn’t bring yourself to ask if he’d said you were ‘perfect’, it sounded big headed and now that you were actually talking about it you realised that it was probably just Sam being in ‘character’ as your loving husband. “…just, did he?”

“Yeah…he said…’that girl we just met is awesome an’ all but if she thinks I’m gonna share private conversations between my brother and me she’s probably barking up the wrong Redwood’….what’s this about, sweetheart?”

“Nothing. And you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s OK. Y/N….really…what’s goin’ on?”

“I just….he said something and it made me wonder….but I shouldn’t have put you in that position. Honestly, I’m sorry.”

“So….he said something….about something….that he said to me….the first time we met you?”

“Yeah.”

“Did he say it to you?”

“Not really.”

“And this thing….that he may or may not have said….did you want him to have said it?”

“What? No! I’m just…..fact checking….”

“Mmm hmmm…” He said, sounding unconvinced. “Well…I can’t tell you things Sammy says to me in private.”

“I know. Like, I said…I shouldn’t have asked.”

“I can tell you that you’re both as stupid as each other.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You heard him make a loud sigh of exasperated frustration. “It means hurry up and kill whatever needs killing and come home and help me decorate the tree. We’re doing Christmas right this year. Yippee Kayay Motherfucker!”

You laughed. “Miss you, Dean.”

“Miss you too, kiddo.”

You hung up and walked back into the Lodge. You felt bad about asking Dean about what Sam had said but also it’d been good hearing his voice and you knew he wouldn’t hold it against you, you’d been too close for too long for that.

Sam saw you from across the lounge and pulled a face that effectively managed to communicate ‘Oh there you are, where the fuck have you been?’ and you pulled one back that said ‘Me? Where were you?’ and you wondered when you’d got so good at reading each others facial expressions.

He walked over to you and wordlessly you left and started making your way back to the cabin.

“Where were you?” He asked when you were a little way down the path.

“I was just on the phone, calling Dean.”

“Oh…I called him earlier.”

“He said.”

“What else did he say?”

“That we’re not hunting this Christmas.”

“Oh….is that OK?”

“Yeah…I mean…if that’s what you want.”

“I just thought…after being here and stuff, it might be nice. To have a tree and presents and stuff.”

“Yeah. Sure.” You said, smiling at how happy Dean would be.

“So get this…the Honeymoon Suite? Empty.”

“What?”

“No one’s staying there. And then I saw Nadine and she was asking all these questions about you. About us.”

“Yeah…she did the same when I was in her office.”

You put the key in the cabin door and entered. Sam took off his jacket and went and sat on the love seat. You did the same, settling against his chest and into the crook of his arm as you had done. It was weird how normal it felt now. You didn’t think to even question it.

“That Honeymoon Suite though….” He let out a long whistle.

“Fancy?”

“Like nothing I’ve ever seen.”

“Maybe whatever was going on is over now then? If there’s no one in there.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

He stroked your arm, casually as if he wasn’t even aware that’s what he was doing and you let him, it barely registering as unusual now.

“So…” He said, “You excited about ‘The Snow Ball’?”

You laughed. “Hardly. I’ve never been to a ball before. And high heels are not my friend.”

“What…not even a little bit excited?”

You thought about it. “Maybe. A little. Might be nice to see how the other half lives.”

“Did you ever think about that kind of thing? When you were little and watched Disney movies?”

“Did you?” You asked, chuckling.

“No. We didn’t really do a lot of Disney growing up.”

“Um….maybe….I guess. There’s a lot of Disney and Fairy Tale stuff that’s aimed at girls that maybe crept in without me realising.”

“Did you dream about a Prince?”

“Maybe.”

“What was he like?”

“I don’t know, I kind of hate that little girls grow up dreaming of Princes. They should think about saving themselves y’know….but yeah, I guess I did. Disney. Fairy Tales. Story Books. Whatever. There may have been an idea. Of someone……Someone sweet and kind and handsome and adoring.”

“He sounds nice.”

“I’m sure he would’ve been if he wasn’t…y’know…fictitious.”

“So cynical!”

“Life’s not a Disney Movie, Sam.”

Your conversation was interrupted by the sound of the landline in the room ringing. You both looked at each other before you got up and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Y/N? It’s Nadine!”

“Hi Nadine.” You said, barely able to keep your lack of patience with her out of your voice.

“Listen…normally we don’t do this but I’ve been thinking and I had such lovely conversations with you and your wonderful husband today and it got me thinking…we have this beautiful Honeymoon Suite here in the Main Lodge and it’s actually not being used…and I spoke to the Lodge management and explained how nice you and Sam are and how in love…and we’d like to upgrade you…free of charge of course, so you can spend the night of the ball there!”

“Oh…well, that’s very kind of you-“

“Nonsense! It’s my pleasure. So if you want to pack your bags, I’ll have Arthur come get them in…let’s say an hour?”

“Um….OK…..”

She hung up and you turned to look at Sam who was staring at you expectantly.

“Well….guess who the new inhabitants of the Honeymoon Suite are?”

“What? No. Y/N, no way.”

“What? If something’s going on we are right smack in the middle of it!”

“Yeah, exactly. I said we could come. I said we could hunt. I did not sign up for you being bait. I did not say you could do that!”

“And I didn’t ask you if I ‘could’. We’re here…something’s going on….now we’ll see what.”

“And if it’s a trap?”

“Of course it’s a trap.”

He looked at you intensely as if you were only proving his point.

“Better us than some innocent civilian folk who don’t know what’s going on and can’t defend themselves.”

“I am not OK with you being bait. I am not OK with you putting yourself in danger.”

“Well….you better get OK with it fast, because Arthur’s coming to get our bags in like 55 minutes, so….”

You started to pack, trying to ignore Sam glaring at you the whole time. On your way to get your wash bag from the bathroom, he reached out and pulled you back, not hard but insistently.

“Y/N…baby-“

“Sam, there’s no one here.”

“Fine…Y/N, I know you think it’s guilt or over protectiveness or some sexist ‘I don’t feel like you can do this’ bullshit, but I promise you it isn’t any of those things. Please…” His voice softened, taking on a pleading tone, “…please…I’m begging you. Please don’t put yourself in danger like this. I can’t go through what happened last time again. Please.”

You saw the beseeching, desperate look in his eyes and the look on his face. It was fear.

“Sam…”

“Please. I can’t….”

“Sam,” You repeated, softer now, “I get it, OK? I don’t want you in danger either. Or me. And I’m scared. Hell, I’m terrified. I remember what happened last time and I don’t want that to happen again either….but ‘Saving People. Hunting Things’…that’s what you and Dean do, right? And when you let me hunt with you, I became a part of that. It’s who we are. It’s what we do. The right thing…even when it’s hard. Even when you’re scared. You taught me that. Before I met you, I hunted because it’s what I was knew….all I knew…but now…how can I live with you guys…be a part of your ‘family’ if I don’t try…If I don’t at least try and be as brave or as good as you both are? If we don’t get to the bottom of this and innocent people get hurt….you couldn’t live with it any more than I could….”

He looked at you, worried but you could see the truth of what you’d said was sinking in.

“You’ll be right there with me. I trust you. We’ll do this together. I know you’ve got my back. And I’ll have yours. Just like always.”

He looked at you, sullen expression on his face slowly softening until he let go of your arm. And then eventually Sam started to pack too, realising that resistance was futile, knowing that you were right. The hour flew by and although you were sad to leave the cabin and afraid of what the night ahead had in store, you had to admit you were intrigued to see the Honeymoon Suite.

.

“Holy Fuck.” You said, as you entered and Sam shut the door after tipping Arthur.

It was like nothing you’d ever seen before. Firstly it was huge. The main room had an open fireplace and in front of it a long plush looking couch, luscious deep red velvet with cushions and blankets, all soft and welcoming. The long drapes that ran from the ceiling to the floor at the two windows were the same deep red velvet. There was a desk and chairs on one side and a dining table and chairs on the other. There was also a huge Christmas Tree, again, beautifully decorated like the one in the Lodge foyer.

You walked to one end of the room and opened the double doors. Behind them was the bedroom. If you’d thought the bed in the cabin was luxurious, this one took your understanding of the word to a whole new level. It was another Four Poster but even bigger and the canopy of it was the same red velvet that seemed to be the theme of the whole suite. Cushions and blankets and throws were all over it, but it didn’t look cluttered, it looked like something from a very fancy Interior Design magazine. There was another open fireplace in there with a fluffy rug next to it and a decadent looking Chaise Longue.

Through the bedroom were another set of double doors which opened up into a bathroom that was bigger than your bedroom in the bunker. It had a huge shower, easily big enough for two, with two separate overhead large showerheads. There were two basins, next to each other in front of a huge mirror and a massive tub, again, big enough for two.

You walked back to the main room and to the double doors on the other side and saw what seemed like a cross between a large walk in wardrobe and a dressing room.

“Holy Moly….Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore.” You said.

“I told you.” Sam said.

“Yeah…but this place has to be seen to be believed.”

“Y/N….I’m really not comfortable with this. With any of this.”

“I know…..but look, whatever’s happening? It’s coming for us now. I’m nervous too. Look, what time is it?” You said, reaching for his watch and turning it to face you. It was just gone 5pm. “I have to start getting ready. Dinner is at 7 and the ball starts at 8….so….”

He looked at you, his face showing his displeasure. “Fine.” He said, resigned.

“I’ll take in here. You go….out there…and I’ll see you in a while, OK?”

You didn’t give him time to say anything, grabbing your bags and shutting the door.

You let yourself take a while getting ready. In part because it was a good distraction from the pit in your stomach and in part because you wanted to try and enjoy the evening as much as you could. Events like this weren’t common place in your life and you wanted to savour it, in the hope that whatever peril was coming your way left you able to enjoy the memories you made.

You did your make up different, taking extra care over it. You did the same with your hair, pinning it up like you’d seen in a Youtube tutorial with tendrils that took forever to look like they had just fallen like that. You put on the dress and you realised that yes, you did, you felt like Disney Princess. You took a deep breath as you looked at yourself in the full length mirror. You were you….but a different you. You could sort of see why Fairy Tales had Balls now. You added the jewellery you’d let yourself buy that it was unlikely you’d ever have a chance to wear again, but fake credit cards with no limits definitely had perks and though you weren’t one for big blow out purchases as you looked at yourself, finally ready, you thought, yes, it was worth it. If this was your one night to live your Fairy Tale fantasy, it was worth it. You stepped into the heels you’d brought and remembered that you hated shoes like this, but damn, if they didn’t make you look like a Princess, ready to go to a ball.

At 6.45 there was a knock on the door. You opened it and had to take a breath, you’d been so preoccupied with getting ready and how you looked that you’d forgotten to think about what Sam might look like.

And he looked….perfect.


	5. Chapter 5

He was wearing a tux, complete with black bow tie. He looked tall and handsome, even though he was stooping a bit, clearly a little uncomfortable at being so dressed up, which was at once both adorable and endearing. He’d ‘done’ his hair and it looked perfect, like in an impossibly handsome guy in a perfume commercial, the few strands falling into his eyes looking like they were artfully meant to do so. A boyish touch to the handsome man that he was. It was all quite overwhelming.

He was staring at you too. You imagined you must look very different to how he normally saw you. He looked…stunned. It was starting to make you feel self conscious.

It was noticeably quiet for a moment. You weren’t really sure what to say. You look like a dream? You look like a the stunning male lead in a hundred different movies I watched as a teenager, that made me want to be the girl, in the dress, in the fairy lights, just to be twirled around on a dance floor by that guy. You look like the Prince I imagined as a little girl? You look like you…and you always look amazing? Thankfully, you didn’t have to say anything because he finally spoke, breaking the tension.

“Wow.” He said, breathing out the word so you felt the awe in it.

You smiled at him, feeling a little awkward. “You too.”

“No. Really, Y/N. Wow…..you look….” You stared at him waiting for him to finish his sentence as he stared at you, looking like he had forgotten all the words.

“Different? Overdone? Overdressed? Like I’m in fancy dress?”

“Beautiful.” He said, a wide, happy smile spreading over his face, deepening his dimples as it did. “Just….so….beautiful.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.” He said, taking care to look you deep in the eyes so you could see he meant it. “Beautiful.”

“Well…thank you. You too. Handsome, I mean.”

He shrugged. “James Bond’s not really my style. I don’t really do Tuxedo’s.”

“You should.”

“Yeah?”

Now it was your turn to look into his eyes so he could see that you meant it. “Yes….You look perfect.”

There was a moment where you just looked into each other’s eyes and you felt like it was suddenly harder to breathe. It was almost too much. It was Sam. He took your breath away at the best of times but right now, like this? You could almost believe it was a Fairy Tale.

“So…I know I’m not exactly a Prince but….I feel lucky that I get to take you to the Ball.” He said.

“I don’t know…you look a bit like a Prince in that get up.”

“Yeah?” He asked, and his voice was lower and quieter. Sweeter. Sexier. He stepped closer to you, looking down into your eyes. If there had been witnesses around you’d swear he was going to kiss you.

“Do I look anything like your Prince? Your Prince Charming…because y’know…I’d take that.”

You laughed. “You look like a Prince. The suit, the hair, the jawline….it’s all very….Disney.”

“But not yours. Not the one you imagined?”

The moment felt so charged and heady. You weren’t really sure what to say. You hadn’t expected to tell the truth until you heard it falling out of your mouth.

“You look the Prince in the dreams of Fairy Tales I’ve been having since before I realised I was having them. You look like the kind of guy girls dream about.”

You swallowed thickly. It was quiet and you felt awkward. You turned to move away because it felt too weird. You were suddenly aware that you had made it weird. But he reached out to gently pull you back.

“Why are you always walking away from me?” He asked, but softly and rhetorically. You had no answer for him anyway, so you didn’t say anything. You just turned at looked at him. He smiled, slowly. “I’m not sure I’m as good with words as I’d like to be, especially not right now, and I don’t think I ever dreamed about Princesses….but if I did…they’d look like you do, right now.”

“No one’s hear to hear you say that.”

“I’m not saying it for anyone else to hear…just you.”

You looked into his eyes and felt it, a wave of genuine feeling passing from them to you. It felt romantic and….real.

But perhaps it was just the clothes and the suite and the fake romance of the weekend. You couldn’t afford to be wrong about this. But for a second, you wondered….what if he felt it, what you felt, too?

“So…..I got Nadine to help me with one last surprise.” He said, looking slightly sheepish and adorable as he looked down at the floor.

“Oh?”

He turned away and walked to the dining table, reaching into a box you hadn’t noticed and picking something up from inside of it.

He walked over to you, with what looked like a flower in his hand, light blue, just like your dress. You understood now, why he’d asked what you would be wearing.

“A corsage??” You asked, incredulously. “Sam….we’re not going to a prom?”

“I know.” He said, shy smile on his face. “But I never got to go to one. And I know you didn’t either. And we talked about it, with Dean….that time….we were in the Impala, remember? And you sounded sad. You said things like that were for other people, ‘other girls’ with ‘simpler lives and happy endings’…”

“I remember.”

“This whole weekend, I’ve wanted you to see that you don’t have to accept a life without everything you want in it. You get to be happy too. I want you to be. I want you to let yourself be happy. I want you to dream big and then to have everything you’ve ever dreamed of. Maybe you don’t have a simple life….but you can still live ‘happily ever after’….I want that for you.”

“Most hunters don’t get ‘happily ever after’, Sam.”

“Most hunters don’t have me there with them….to make sure that they do.”

He fastened the corsage around your wrist and then looked at you. “Was it too much? Is it stupid? Does it ruin your outfit? It seemed like a good idea when I thought of it, but if you don’t like it-“

“I love it.”

“Yeah?” He looked pleased, his sweet smile curving up and his eyes sparkling at you.

“Yes.”

“So you’ll be my date to our prom?” He said, smiling at you. This 6’4 skilled hunter who you’d seen kill all manner of beasts, suddenly looked just so unutterably cute.

“Seeing as you asked so nicely….sure….yes…..Sam, I’ll be your date to our prom.”

He put out his arm, like a formal gesture, to escort you and you took it. You knew it was cheesy as all hell, but he looked so handsome and it felt so perfect, that it was really hard to care about that. You let yourself have it. Maybe a bit of ‘cheesy’ was alright, you thought, and maybe Sam was right…maybe you should let yourself have just a little bit of it.

.

The tables in the dining hall were set for couples again, like they had been on the Friday and it felt even more like a date now than it had then. Especially as Sam kept staring at you.

“Sam….” You said, feeling self conscious. “…you’re staring.”

“Sorry….it’s just hard not to when you look….like that.”

You smiled, feeling your cheeks warm. “I’m just me. I’m still the same. I’m just wearing a dress with a bit more make up on.”

“I know. You’re always beautiful….it’s just……” He shook his head. “….damn.”

You ate and laughed and talked and drank. And like the other night, piano music filled the air. This dinner, however, was less leisurely, with the ball approaching and it flew by, feeling like no time at all until you were ushered into a huge Ballroom you hadn’t been in before.

‘The Snow Ball’ was luxurious and decadent, just like you imagined a ball should be. The Ballroom sparkled as if frosted by ice…or diamonds, decorated with lavish touches and care, under a large chandelier in the middle of the room. A live band was playing ‘Jingle Bell Rock.’

Sam grabbed two flutes of champagne from a passing waiter’s tray and handed one to you as he gulped down the contents of his.

“Whoa…Y’alright there?”

“Yeah…I just…I feel stupid in this outfit. I don’t really do ‘suave’.”

“Well, you don’t look stupid….and I think you do it better than you think.”

He smiled at you, looking flattered and grateful. Your words seemed to reassure him.

“So….recon?” He asked and you followed his gaze to over your shoulder, where it rested on Nadine, dressed in finery, wrapped like confectionary in a silver silk dress.

“Sure. You take her. I’ll take him.” You said, nodding towards Arthur on the other side of the room and you made your way over to Arthur, dressed in a tux, and keeping a watchful eye over proceedings.

“Hi Arthur, you look nice.”

“Thank you.”

He clearly wasn’t up for small talk. True to form, you thought.

“You don’t say much do you?” You asked, though you forced a little laugh so he knew you weren’t being confrontational.

“Not paid to talk. Just to help Nadine.”

You opened your mouth ready to ask a question but he turned and walked away. That could have gone better, you thought as the band started playing ‘Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree.’

You drained your flute, swapping your empty for a new full one from the passing waiter. You looked over at Sam, talking to Nadine. Clearly his questioning was going better than yours.

You watched him, smile on his face as he seemed to effortlessly charm her. All the things you had said earlier to Nadine had been true, all the reasons why you loved him, but now you looked at him as if you didn’t know him, as if you’d just seen him for the first time. It was just like it was when you first saw him, the tall handsome guy with the kind eyes and the sweetest smile. He looked beautiful now, he’d been beautiful then. You’d never stood a chance, it was impossible not to fall in love with him.

You thought back to upstairs, in the suite and almost laughed at yourself for even fleetingly considering he could feel the same. He was your friend and you’d let your feelings convince you that his care and fondness for you meant more than they did. Even though you’d only let yourself think it for a second, now you felt the shame of your foolishness burning inside of you. There was no way. Just look at him. He should have a Bond girl on his arm. Two in fact. One on each arm. You suddenly felt ridiculous. Your dress felt tight and constrictive and your feet hurt in your heels. If you were Cinderella you should have stayed at home with the mice and just….known your place. Perhaps it’s something in itself to know that Fairy Tales aren’t meant for you, you thought. You looked at the corsage on your wrist, and smiled though it was a sad smile. It was so kind of him, so totally typically sweet of him to keep insisting you should ‘dream big’ and ‘have what you want.’ The truth was he didn’t know what you wanted. He didn’t know it was him. Only ever him.

You looked around the Ballroom, filled with couples dancing. They glowed with happiness and love. It was easy to be cynical when you kept yourself away from it, but here where love was all around, it was hard to deny its existence. All these couples, they’d found each other. And they were so obviously and totally in love. It was a real force that brought joy and warmth to their lives.

It was real. Just not for you.

By the time Sam had wrapped up with Nadine, he found you leaning against the wall, swaying slightly to ‘Fairytale of New York’ as you finished off your fourth glass of champagne.

“Hey?” He said, eyeing you suspiciously. “Everything OK over here?”

“Mmmm hmmm.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. What did Nadine say?”

“Well, this is the main event. Nothing happens after this and tomorrow everyone goes home. So, whatever happens is gonna happen tonight.”

He stepped in front of you, stooping into your eye line to force you to make eye contact. “Y/N? You gonna tell me what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You said, offering him a forced smile. You didn’t want to share the sad little train of thought that had made you maudlin. You hated that you got like that. You had so much to be grateful for and yet you let yourself get down in the doldrums over a guy. The best guy ever, but a guy nonetheless. “Just…this song. It’s sad.”

“It is?” He asked, brow creasing. He wasn’t one for Christmas songs at the best of times, you doubted he knew the lyrics.

“Yeah, they’re a couple and the met on Christmas Eve and now they just fight all the time and she wanted to be an actress and she blames him because she didn’t make it. She says he took her dreams from her. It’s all just super sad. That’s all.”

“But….don’t they still love each other? Doesn’t he tell her that he took them and kept them with his own and he can’t make it without her? That he built his dreams around her?”

You smiled at him. How did he always do that? Surprise you and make things better.

“You know the lyrics?”

He smiled as he shrugged his shoulders. “Sometimes I know things.”

You laughed despite yourself. Sometimes he did.

“Are you going to tell me what’s really wrong?”

You looked at him, deep into his beautiful hazel eyes, but you didn’t say anything.

“OK. Well….is it something that can be fixed by you dancing with me?”

“What? Since when do you dance?”

“Since we’re at a Ball. Since it’s our prom. Since I have the prettiest date in the room. In any room.”

You smiled at him and how relentlessly adorable he was. The song had changed and you looked at the dance floor with all the happy couples, beautifully slow dancing to ‘The Christmas Song.’

“Sam…I don’t know how to dance like that. Not properly. I’ll do it wrong and step on your toes.”

He looked at you, pursing his lips slightly as he thought deeply about something.

“Come with me.” He said, taking your hand in his and leading you around the dance floor and past the band, into an empty passageway where you could still here the music but no one was around.

He shrugged. “I don’t know how to dance like that either….but there’s no one here to see, so it doesn’t matter if you step on my toes….or if I step on yours…what if we just stay here and I just hold you close,” He pulled you into a convincing approximation of a dance hold, “…and we could just sway a little….I mean, we’re dressed up like this, it’d be a shame not to, right? We could live out your best Prince Charming fantasy….or at least….you could let me try….”

As he softly started to sway you, one hand holding yours, the other around your waist, holding you close, you said, “To be my Prince Charming?”

He leaned his head closer towards yours and said quietly into your ear, “I’ll be anything you want me to be…but yeah, let’s start there….”

And so you swayed and slow danced in your own way. Three slower songs came and went, as you just felt what it was like to be close to him, like this. You inhaled the smell of him, that familiar comforting scent of Sam, delicious and manly and perfectly him and sometimes you looked into each others eyes. It felt close. It felt intimate. And as much as it times it almost felt like too much, you tried not to pull away; it was good and you should let it be, you thought.

The fourth song was faster though, it was ‘Last Christmas’ and he pulled back a little and smiled at you, big and wide and sweet and from the heart.

“You ready?” He asked and you furrowed your brow at him, unsure of what he meant. He raised an eyebrow at you and placed one strong hand on your back and dipped you, and despite the falling motion, he had you and you knew he did. He kept you there, as you laughed at the ridiculousness of it, for a moment, staring at you with his eyes scanning over your face as if he was trying to commit the moment to memory and then he righted you again. He looked at you proudly.

“Now…tell me that’s not some real Prince Charming shit right there!” He said, knowing that the way he phrased it would only make you laugh harder.

“Man, I love making you smile.” He said, quietly, his face radiating how much he meant it. Then he spun you out and back in again, which you somehow managed to do despite the heels and you danced a little more. Finally the band took a break and with the music stopped, he looked at you and said “And you didn’t step on my toes once.”

“That’s a Christmas miracle.” You said, realising that you were swaying any more, you were just stood there, with him holding you against him, still and in his arms.

“We should go….get another drink….see if anything weird’s going on…” You said, trying to deflect the nervous feeling in your chest from the way being so close to him made your heart race. He looked down at the floor briefly, a look of what seemed like disappointment crossing his face, before he let you go.

“Sure. Yeah. Of course.” He said. “I’ll go grab us a drink from the bar…maybe I’m maxed out on champagne. Too rich for my blood. You want a beer? Or only the fancy stuff while you’re in that dress?”

“The day I let a dress code from stopping me having a beer, will be a cold day in hell, Winchester. OK, you get drinks and I’ll go powder my nose…or whatever the fancy expression is.” You said, smiling at him, but sensing a sadness in him. “You alright?”

“Yeah…..why wouldn’t I be?”

“You look like something’s on your mind?”

“Nope.” He said, obviously lying, and he made a move to usher you back into the Ballroom before making his way to the bar and leaving you to head towards the ladies rest room.

He’d seemed so happy before, it bothered you to see him so obviously upset by something. You were going to have to find a way to make him talk to you. To tell you what was on his mind.

That’s what you were thinking as you rounded the corridor and everything went black.

.

You’re head hurt. That was your first thought. It really hurt. You went to move your hands to see what had happened, if you were bleeding, and it was then that you realised you were tied to a chair. That was your second thought. And as you groggily managed to open your eyes, your third thought was ‘Of course. Nadine.’

“Mrs Winchester, how nice of you to finally join us.”

Her voice was different, normal, less high pitched and excruciating to listen too. It was kind of a relief. You were tied to the chair in her office that you’d been sat in earlier.

“Nadine.” You said, “You hit me on the head from behind? That’s not very ‘Love. At Christmas.’ of you?”

She smiled at you, and rather than her normal sickly ‘sweeter than sweet’ smile it was a cold, disturbing sneer of a smile. “Oh, it’s more ‘Love. At Christmas.’ than you know….and no, I didn’t. That was Arthur.”

You looked around but didn’t see him around. “Yeah? And where’s he? Cramming for his final Charm School exams?”

She came up close to you, bending down so she was eye level with you, her smile making your blood run cold, malevolent as it was. “You know, you’re not nearly as funny as you think you are? In fact…” She lashed out, slapping you hard across your face, “…some might say that your smart mouth is annoying…and not funny at all.”

Your cheek stung and you tasted blood in your mouth. Sam. Sam would come and find you. You just had to keep her talking. Monsters with Machiavellian plans loved monologuing. Though at the moment you were still unclear what sort of monster she was.

“So is this some sort of Pagan bullshit or….”

“Ha! No…but you thought it was, right? I’m going to tell Arthur. He thought it was stupid, but I said ‘One man. One woman. Childbearing age. It’ll throw any hunters right off the scent.’ And I was right. I love it when I’m right! And that is what you are right? A hunter?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

She huffed, barely managing to conceal her disgust. “Oh, please. Every time he or I went in your room to ‘light the fire’ or ‘leave some cocoa’…it took very little looking to find your little file or these…” She walked to a table and picked up your gun and Sam’s, that had been stashed in your cases. “So….let’s stop pretending shall we?”

“OK. Let’s….You and Arthur are…?”

She looked at you, her eyes narrowing, but she didn’t say anything. You had to buy time before Sam could find you.

“….a couple?”

She smiled. “Yes. You and Sam haven’t cornered the market on romance.”

“And here was I thinking your poor husband croaked.”

Her smile instantly disappeared from her face.

“Oh, so he did? Your husband died and you….what…decided to get with Arthur and start killing people? Well….that’s a fitting tribute….most people’d just put up a plaque in his memory.”

“My husband would be perfectly happy with my behaviour. Thank you. He loved me…he’d want me to be happy. That’s what love is.”

“Murder?”

“My husband was a shifter. He enjoyed a little murder. Of course, then when we killed someone he could take their place for a while until the time was right and no one could ever trace it back here. Until…he passed. Another hunter….you can see why this is going to be so fun for me.”

“So he was a shifter….but there are easier ways to live than running….corny, over the top, pass the sick bag, romantic weekend getaway’s….to find…prey.”

“He was a shifter.”

“And Arthur isn’t?”

“No. He is not….he’s a ghoul. You know what that means? That means he’s going to eat your flesh.”

“A ghoul…..Right….The cemetery nearby. Like an all you can eat buffet.”

“Well aren’t you just smart as a whip?”

“But wait, if he’s a ghoul….then couldn’t he just….pretend to be one of the victims too? Like a shifter? Why the sudden change in MO?”

Where the hell was Sam?

“He could but he won’t….he doesn’t like being away from me…not even for a day.”

“Well, isn’t that sweet….”

“Isn’t it?”

“So….what you’re like a monster groupie? Your ex was a shifter. The new guy’s a ghoul. Is there some kind of ‘Craig’s List’ for creatures of the night?”

She started to walk around you in circles in a wholly unsettling manner.

“You mean you haven’t figured out what I am yet?”

“A bitch?”

You heard her exhale with tried patience. “You know what love is?”

“A many splendored thing? All around? A Battlefield?….ooh ooh….All you need?”

“You are insufferable and I don’t know Sam puts up with you…..the wise cracks….I literally cannot wait until you are dead. No….love is dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, norepinephrine….love is delicious.”

You rolled your eyes. “No way. You’re a wraith?”

“Good guess.”

“So you run this weekend and you watch all the giddy lovesick people and then you choose some hapless fools hit by Cupid’s arrow and chow down on their brains? And your boy toy eats all the evidence? And no one can link it to you because there are no bodies….and you do the woman/man thing to through off hunters….you know what, Nadine…you are not nearly as stupid as you look.”

“Thank You.”

“Except of course….me and Sam aren’t in love….we’ve been pretending…this whole time….so….”

“Oh, please….now who’s stupid. It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain….which by the way, is more than you’re going to have soon….that you both love each other….that you’re both hopelessly, ridiculously in love with each other….I thought you were pretending too…with all that ‘He loves to wash my hair’” She put on a mocking high pitched voice which you could only assume was meant to be you, before putting on a deep affected manly baritone “’Guilty as charged, honey’ bullshit…I was going to give the Honeymoon Suite to a whole other couple….but then…we saw you, Arthur and I, we watched you at dinners…on sleigh rides….and then when I spoke you….the way you spoke about each other…his face when he was planning surprises for you…the way you are when you think no one’s watching……you love each other.”

“I……” You were confused. Was she just totally wrong or was she an incredibly perceptive psychopathic killing machine. It was hard to tell.

“And I imagine we’ve been chatting like this because you think he’s going to bust in and save you? Right? Because he loves you so much.”

“No, because that what he does. He saves people. I told you we were pretending.”

“Well, let’s see, shall we? Arthur!” She shouted. She leaned down to whisper into your ear “When you believe it your brain’s going to get even juicier.”

The door opened and Arthur bundled Sam roughly through the door, a gun pointed at his head. Sam had a bloody gash on his head that made you think he’d been pistol whipped.

“Sam! Are you OK?” You asked him, scared and pained by the sight of him like that. “Fucking. LET. HIM. GO!!”

Nadine shot you a look that made it abundantly clear how pathetic she found your request.

“I’m OK. Baby…I’m OK.” Sam said, trying to shoot you a reassuring look which was hindered significantly by the blood running down his face.

“Are you still acting? Is this you ‘pretending’? Or is she really your ‘Baby’?” Nadine asked, eyes wide with evil glee as Arthur tied Sam to the other chair.

“Fuck You!” Both you and Sam said at the same time.

Nadine shut her eyes and lifted her shoulders in a gesture of delight. “Well…this is going to be marvellous!!…..So, Sam….you love Y/N, right?”

“Of course, she’s my wife.” Sam said, his chest heaving up and down against the rope that bound him as his sweat damp hair dishevelled itself from its previous style. Arthur had moved away to go stand near Nadine and you knew Sam would be trying to undo his bindings from where his hands were tied behind his back, much as you were.

“No no….the ‘let’s pretend’ part of all this is over….really, actually, not as part of your ‘cover’…you love her right?”

The look Sam was giving her was the nearest to hate you had ever seen him give anyone. “She’s my best friend….she’s family….yes, I love her.”

“You don’t spend all night spooning family, Sam.” Nadine said, before turning to you and explaining. “Cameras.” 

“Sam….if you don’t start telling the truth, I’m going to hurt her. I’m going to hurt her anyway, but I’ll hurt her more…”

She opened her desk drawer and took out a blade then walked over to you, trailing its cool metal edge against the skin of your neck and all the way up, across your jaw and across your cheek. You were trying to get the end of the rope around your wrist between the fingers of your other hand but it was tricky, especially as you were trying to do it both quickly and undetected.

Sam’s eyes were wide as they followed the blade in her hand. “Fine, OK, yes. I love her. I am in love with her. I don’t know why it matters so much to you…but yeah….alright, I do.” He turned his gaze to you. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to do anything with that information at all. I don’t expect you to.”

“I…..what….?” You were stunned and didn’t really know what to say. You weren’t sure you’d be able to process this information at the best of times, let alone right now with adrenaline and fear coursing so quickly through your veins. Between trying to get at the annoying bit of rope that was so nearly in your grasp and feeling Nadine’s blade against your skin and hearing Sam’s words, it was all a lot to take in. “She’s a wraith, Sam….feeds on juiced up love brains….” You managed to get out.

“Oh…” He said, recognition mixing with disgust on his face, “You know….hormones get released when you fall in love….I’ve loved her for a long time. So it looks like you should’ve chosen someone else….someone who’s only just met their person…”

“I have a sneaking suspicion that the two of you with your ‘annoying, obvious to everyone, pining for each other story of unrequited love’ might have a sudden influx of hormones when you realise…it’s not so unrequited after all….the way you moon about over each other…urgh….it’s annoying and pathetic….because she loves you too….Don’t you, smartass? Well…tell him.”

You had managed to get your nails to bring a frayed strand of the rope between your fingers and were trying to get better purchase on it, pulling against the knots but it wasn’t working. You let it go and tried a new tack, dismantling your corsage to locate the pins within it. Whilst your hands were busy, you looked up at Nadine, trying to convey your utter contempt and loathing.

“TELL HIM! I can hurt him too you know….”

“She doesn’t have to tell me a goddamn thing….” He said. “And why don’t you come over here and try?”

He was trying to bait her so she would take the blade off you but before she could even move closer to Sam, you heard the words coming out of your mouth, “Fucking leave him alone, alright….yes, I love him too. Are you happy now?” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Sam to see his reaction.

Somehow, by using the large pin that had been holding the flower of your corsage to the fabric, you had managed to leverage a gap in the rope and though you weren’t entirely free, if you kept working the gap, you would be soon.

“Ahhh….that’s the reaction I was looking for!” Nadine exclaimed with annoying glee, her eyes focused on Sam. You looked at him and saw his face, soft but confused as he looked at you, trying to figure out if what you’d said was true, realising there was no advantage to you lying and then trying to reconcile himself with this new information.

“No one cares, Nadine.” He said, not bothering to even look at her. “Y/N…”

“Yeah?” You said, as finally the ropes on your wrist gave.

“You love me?” He asked.

“Yeah…sort of….wasn’t planning on you finding out like this.” You said as you sprang up, using the element of surprise to grab the knife from Nadine’s hands and knock her backwards. You ran to Sam and gave the ropes binding his hands together, behind his back, a big hack to take the pressure off, before pushing the handle of the blade into his palm, so he could finish the job of freeing himself.

Just as you felt him take the blade, you felt Arthur’s hands grabbing you and pulling you down onto the floor. As you tried to fight off the strong hold of his grip, Nadine came over to you, the extended spike from her wrist prominent as she leaned down to lower it perilously close to skin behind your ear. You tried to fight against the sick feeling in your stomach and the rising tide of fear as you remembered the last time you were held down and monsters loomed over you with ill intent. ‘This isn’t that. You’re fine.’ You told yourself. ‘You are fine.’

There was a loud noise and then there was blood. Then there were another two loud noises. Gun shots, as it turned out.

As Nadine fell forward, you looked past her to see Sam holding his gun which he must have grabbed off the desk. You looked at him quizzically, bullets didn’t kill wraiths, only silver. Arthur loosened his grip on you as he moved towards Nadine making a wail so full of anguish that it made you instantly sad as much as set your teeth on edge. You seized the opportunity to jump up, grabbing the paperweight from Nadine’s desk and furiously bringing it down against Arthur’s skull. You were sad for his loss, sure, but he was a monster and a threat and he’d hurt Sam. And he was also a dick.

“Every third bullet in the round’s silver.” Sam said, “We didn’t know what we were hunting….I figured…why not…”

“Smart!…..See that’s why I love you….you’re just so fucking smart.” You said, through the exertion of repeatedly swinging the paperweight down as you bashed the ghoul’s brains out.

“Yeah….well, that’s why I love you…” Sam said, walking over to where you were. “…you’re fucking badass as hell.”

“Pass me that knife so I can sever his spinal cord…so he’s decapitated proper?” You asked.

“Sure, baby.” He said as he passed you the blade. “Whatever you need….You got it.”

.

It was a long night. Sneaking their bodies out and burying them. Sure enough they’d be found but no one would know what they were or how to explain it. Sam made the excellent point that you should stay the night and keep up the newlywed ruse to avoid suspicion and by the time you got back to the Lodge it was late and all the revellers were in their rooms, presumably sleeping or enjoying their ‘alone time’ together.

As you took a deep breath, glad to be back in the Honeymoon Suite, you realised it was the first moment of quiet there had been since the ball. You reached up and put your hands either side of Sam’s head, tilting it towards you so you could examine the gash from before. It wasn’t too bad. He’d had worse.

“I’m gonna clean that up, OK?” You said, and as your eyes drifted down from the wound you saw Sam’s eyes, a delicious swirl of blue and amber, looking at you as if he was seeing you for the first time. You let your hands fall awkwardly to your sides.

“So…you love me?” He asked, his voice soft but unsure.

You smiled at him feeling pretty unsure yourself. You’d guarded that secret for so many years, it felt strange to just say it now. But also….the cat was out of the bag and there was no point lying.

“Yes.”

“You are ‘in love’ with me?” It was clearly taking a moment to sink in.

“Yes.”

“Since when?”

“Since…always.”

Slowly, a big smile crept across his face. Not only did it deepen his dimples but it seemed to radiate across his face, the joy contained within it reaching up and making his eyes smile too.

“I love you too. Have done since….forever….since I first met you I think….since I told Dean that you were ‘perfect.’….I didn’t know just how right I was, but boy, was I right….”

“That was true? That you said that to Dean?”

He nodded. “I don’t believe in love at first sight, and I know you don’t either, but….I felt something that night…and I never stopped feeling it, ever since. I didn’t know what the ‘girl of my dreams’ looked like, never really dreamed about someone that I could visualise…but I knew how she’d make me feel, how I wanted her to make me feel…and I knew from that first night that it was you.”

“I don’t believe in it…love at first sight…you’re right there. But I felt something that night too. I knew it was you. Better than any ‘Prince Charming’ fantasy….better than any dream I ever had….you were just…better. Better than anything I’d ever hoped for, better than anything I could ever have hoped for.”

“Wait…so you had feelings for me and I had feelings for you all that time?”

“Guess so.”

“You never said.”

“Neither did you.”

“I was going to…tonight…when we were dancing….”

“But?”

He shrugged, looking sweet and small and boyish all of a sudden. He turned his face slightly, squinting one eye as if he was nervous to offer an explanation. “I was scared?”

“Sam Winchester….you kill monsters and you are the bravest person I have ever met. I’ve never known you to be scared of anything.”

“Demons? Monsters? Yeah, they don’t scare me. Losing you…changing what we have…having you tell me you love me but ‘not like that’….those things scared me.”

“Yeah….they scared me too.” You said, hearing the recognition and sincerity that rang out through your quiet voice as you said it.

He reached out and pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you and resting his forehead against yours. “You could never lose me.” He said, his voice quiet and soft. “And I love you…in all the ways…but also definitely…I love you ‘like that’….but things are going to change.”

“They are?” You said.

He nodded, a slow and sexy smile appearing on his lips. “Yeah…because I’m going to kiss you now and I’m not going to have to try and find an excuse, I’m not going to have to pretend it’s because anyone’s watching. I’m just gonna kiss you…because I want to…because it’s all I want to do.”

And with that he leaned in and his soft, supple lips kissed yours. The first two times he’d kissed you had been incredible but this one…this one, you knew was real and that made it even better. It was going to take a minute for it to fully sink in. That he loved you. He loved you the way you loved him. That it was really real. But for now….it just felt…..so unbelievably good.

He ran his hand up your side and rested it against your neck, his long fingers in your hair and his thumb gently stroking the side of your face as his lips parted yours and you felt his tongue lightly meeting yours. You reached up and ran your fingers through the hair at the back of his head and felt yourself get lost; in his lips as they moved against yours, his tongue as it softly grazed yours, in the feel of his thick lustrous hair between your fingertips and the strong feeling of being there against him, his arm against your waist, holding you close.

When he pulled away, it was only a fraction, he kept you near. You felt the smile on your face, so wide your cheeks would hurt soon if you kept it up. You couldn’t quite make yourself believe it was real. That you got to kiss him, to be held by him. But you would. 

His smile was pretty big too. He looked into your face, his eyes searching it, trying to take it all in. Maybe he was struggling to believe it too.

“You are so beautiful.” He said, looking awed.

“I’m covered in wraith blood and ghoul brains.”

“Still.” He said, and you laughed.

“Hey…You wanna have a bath?”

“What?” You asked, suddenly both excited and nervous about the prospect of nakedness. Of being with him. Like that.

“We need to get cleaned up…and that tub is crying out to be used and honestly, since you said it the other day, I’ve been kind of into the idea of washing your hair.”

You looked at him and realised that there would be nakedness, sure, but that it was Sam, and you trusted him and you wanted him and the idea of him washing your hair in the tub didn’t seem that scary anymore. That there was no need for nerves because it didn’t seem strange at all.

“OK…only if I can wash yours.”

“Deal.” He said, laughing sweetly.

“Annnd…how about after that…well….I believe I did say something to you at dinner the other night, about wanting you to ‘get lucky’…how much I wished that for you…..”

He raised an eyebrow at you but only slightly before he licked his lips and looked at you in a way he’d never looked at you before. A way that you felt, deep deep within you.

“And I believe, “ He said, his voice low and sexy, “…I wanted to show you just how romantic a Four Poster Bed could be.”

You cast your mind back and remembered that wasn’t exactly how he’d phrased it.

“I remember there being some conversation about things that could happen on a bed like that….in a bed like that….that could be romantic, if done right…”

His flirty smirk, widened into a big beautiful smile and he leaned into to kiss you again, stopping just briefly before his lips touched yours to say “Y/N…Baby, I’ve spent the past fourteen years or so, in love with you, wanting you, thinking and dreaming about you….trust me, now that I have the chance…I’m gonna do it right.”

And this time…this kiss…it held within it a fire that burned hot and intense. A fire that was definitely leading somewhere. Somewhere really good.


	6. Chapter 6

You felt the kiss get hotter, hungrier, than before. You felt it in the way his hands seem to be moving over the curves of you, still in your ball gown, the way they pulled you in, powerfully, towards him. In the way his lips moved harder against yours and his body seemed to push, trying to get ever closer to yours, even though there was no possible way he could.

You pulled back slightly.

“Too much? We don’t have to…..” Sam said, not letting go of you, stooping so you would look into his eyes and see that he meant it, that there was no pressure.

“No. It’s not that….but…..we should clean up your head wound….” You said. You wanted more…it was Sam, of course you did, but also….you did feel self conscious and things were moving pretty fast and if you were going to do this it would be your first time with him. There was desire, a lot of it, you’d thought of him, this way, for years….but also…there were nerves. He looked at you intently. The way he so often did.

“You still want to have a bath? Together?” He asked, but soft and low. Asking tentatively, genuinely, not pressuring. God, his voice was so sexy; all his usual sweetness mixed with a hotter, deeper tone of desire that you hadn’t heard before.

You looked into his eyes, looking so beautifully deeply hazel, flecked with gold and focused on you. “I do…but right now, wouldn’t we just be…stewing in ghoul brain soup?? Like….we’re so gross right now!”

He laughed gently. “Yeah….maybe we should get cleaned up before…”

You hadn’t meant for your eyes to flash quickly with uncertainty at the word ‘before’ but they had, involuntarily, and he saw.

“….before….we do anything that means we have to get cleaned up again?” And then you saw it in his eyes…that amongst all the want, he was feeling uncertain too. It was a big change after so many years to know that you both wanted the things you’d been telling yourselves you could never have. To know they were real now.

He unwrapped his arms from around you and took your hand in his. “C’mon. Come with me.” He said, leading you towards the bathroom.

He turned on the tap in the large, big enough for two, shower cubicle and then put both his hands either side of your face, sweetly, his thumbs lightly grazing the skin on your cheeks. It seemed as if he couldn’t stop smiling.

“I love you so much.” He said, looking at you, clearly hoping he could make you feel it, the sincerity of his words. And you did. You couldn’t help it. Now that you let yourself, it seemed crazy that you had ever not known. It emanated from him in palpable waves.

You shrugged lightly, unable to keep the smile from your lips as you looked down at the floor and then up, taking in his strong, tall body as you did.

“I love you.” You said, feeling the words as you said them. Feeling just…how true they were.

He leaned in to kiss you, so soft and sweet at first….but then….then his hands weren’t on your face anymore. One was pushing the strap of your dress off the bare skin of your shoulder, his skin feeling warm against yours, leaving what felt like a burning trail in its wake as you felt the fingers of the other searching for the zip of your dress. He pulled the zipper down in one fluid motion and your dress loosened, falling downwards in the cloud of steam now rising from the shower.

You couldn’t stop kissing him, his lips so perfectly soft yet passionate. It was Sam who pulled away and when he did, your dress finally fell completely, pooling at your feet. He reached for your hand and you took it, stepping out of the puddle of silk and chiffon on the floor. You were suddenly so aware of the fact that you were in your strapless bra and panties.

He leaned forward, resting his forehead on yours as his eyes shut briefly.

“I can’t believe…” He trailed off.

“What?” You asked, softly.

“I still can’t believe you love me too…I never imagined…well, OK…I imagined but…it’s been so long.” He licked his lips, just ever so lightly. “It’s like the very best dream. I’m just scared I’m going to wake up any moment.”

“Sam….I get it. I feel the same. But I have loved you so much, for so long. You’ve got to believe me, I might not know much but I know that that’s true. It’s the truest thing I know.”

He smiled; a soft sweet happy smile and then kissed you like you weren’t sure you’d ever been kissed before. So lovingly; as if you were the most perfect thing in the universe. Something he cherished and adored.

“I told myself so many times that this was never gonna happen.” He said, removing his forehead from yours so he could open his eyes and look deeply into yours.

“What?” You said, noticing how your voice was lower and sultrier than you ever knew it could sound. “This?”

You leaned in to kiss him; a kiss that was definitely fuelled by wanting him. Wanting all of him, in all the ways. You felt him getting so hard in his trousers, felt it pushing between your bodies as his hand tightened, one on the cheek of your ass, the other against your back. His breathing grew noticeably deeper as your hand snaked between you to stroke against his length, a broken sigh escaped from him carrying with it the sweetest, sexiest moan. You’d never heard him make a noise like that before, it made your insides clench.

“Yeah…” He said, his voice strained and quiet as he spoke raggedly into your kiss. “That.”

Your hand continued to stroke against his hard cock through the fabric of his trousers. The brief feel of it this morning had let you know he was big but you’d had no idea just how big. Impressive was not the word. Perfect. Big and thick and hard and perfect. Those were the words. Your other hand ran up against the side of his neck and felt the thick column of it against your palm as your fingers splayed in the thick, soft strands of his hair as he pushed you back, firmly but with definite care, against the basin behind you.

You pulled yourself away from his sweet lips, moving your hand from the intoxicatingly sizeable hardness of his cock as you reached up to undo his bow tie. It hadn’t been so long since you were digging a grave yet he still somehow looked like perfection, even with the gash on his head. It somehow didn’t detract from his handsomeness. You pushed his tuxedo jacket off him, feeling the firm flex of his broad shoulders under his shirt as you did. He kissed you again as your fingers undid his shirt buttons. His kiss seemed more urgent now, as if he was ravenous for you. You pushed his shirt off his body and undid his tuxedo pants and then he was stood there in just his boxers and socks looking….gorgeous. Stunning. His body was so toned and defined; chiselled into perfection. All the more so for being Sam. Your Sam.

His hand was undoing your bra before you could even register it and as it fell, he pulled back to look at you.

“Fuck.” He whispered, his eyes raking over your exposed body, practically naked, pushed against the basin counter. “You are so beautiful.”

His eyes looked different than you’d ever seen them before. Darker and lust blown. You watched as he swallowed thickly and his gaze ran back up your body to connect with yours. The look you shared said something you weren’t sure either of you could put into words. About how much you both cared about each other, how crazy but amazing it was to finally be able to do this, how much you wanted and needed each other – how gloriously good it was to know that you both felt the same way and that it was love, real love and it was yours to have and explore, together.

“Me?” You breathed out, incredulously, “Have you seen you? Good job on……everything.”

He smiled, a lop sided sweet little smile before he took a breath and the sweetness was suddenly eclipsed once more by the want, lust, hunger – the need to be close to you physically, the way he had been so close to you emotionally all this time.

He kissed you again, strong and hard, and as he did his fingers found the lacy edge of your panties and he pushed them down. You followed suit with the waistband of his boxers and pulled back to look…at him. He stepped back and reached down, removing his socks as you stared and then stood in front of you. You were both naked.

You didn’t mean to stare at his cock but it was so….magnificent. It was long and lush and thick and hard, straining and beautiful. You ran your eyes up his body, seeing how he was taking you in too, the look of desire and appreciation on his face as he bit his lower lip and took those sexy deep breaths. He reached and grabbed you to him in a deep, urgent kiss, picking you up and effortlessly sweeping you under the hot waterfall of the large showerhead.

The water cascaded with a pressure that felt luxurious and forceful against your skin as he shut the cubicle door behind you both. Then there was nothing but the delightful flow of the water on your skin, steam billowing around you, and him; his hard body and soft smooth skin moving against yours, as his lips caressed your lips and his tongue glided across yours, and his arms enfolded you tightly, somehow all at once moving, stroking you and holding you to him.

There was a whole other showerhead, a whole other set of taps but that would involve taking a step away from you and clearly that was not something he wanted to do.

The sound of his wrecked, broken breathing was making you need him deep, deep inside of you. You could feel his hands in your hair and across your back. You could feel him so hard and so deliciously heavy, against you. You heard him repeating your name between kisses; like he didn’t even know he was saying it. Like it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever said or heard.

You reached for his cock and when you closed your hand around it, his eyes opened wide and he let out an unwitting moan. The skin along it was velvety soft in your palm as you ran your hand up and down, slowly…teasingly. You ran your thumb across the tip of him and felt the moisture leaking from him as you heard him take a sharp intake of breath at how good it felt. He bit his lip before exhaling slowly.

“Fuckkkk….Y/N……..Oh God…..” He groaned out.

“Mmmmmm” You moaned, without meaning to. He just felt so good in your hand. You leaned forward to kiss the taut, toned skin of his chest as he threw his head back, his eyes shutting as he let himself feel the sensation of your hand moving up and down along his length, the water raining down over him, running through his hair, wetting it, its weight pulling it back off his face.

He opened his eyes and reached behind you to get the bottle of shower gel from the inbuilt alcove in the cubicle that formed a shelf and squeezed some into his hand.

“We’re just getting cleaned up, right? Before I get to take you to bed?” He said, his voice sounding strained.

“Are we?” You teased, your voice still low and husky.

He lathered the gel up in his hands and you lifted your hand, the one not currently palming him, up to steal some of the foamy liquid before using it to coat his cock as it twitched in your grip.

“Ohhhhh….Y/N…….” He moaned as his hands, his big beautiful hands that you’d always found so unbearably sexy, worked the lather across your skin; starting with your shoulders and making their way down your arms then around your back and down, silkily sliding across the globes of your ass, the way he wanted you making itself felt in the tension of his fingers as they worked against your flesh. They lingered there a while before moving up to your breasts where he used both hands to cup each breast , his thumbs stroking over each nipple under the bubbles.

“You’ve got to stop….” He forced out with noticeable effort, his wide eyes beseeching you over his wide, panting open mouth with his beautiful pink lips shiny and wet with the water of the shower.

“I do?”

“You always come first.” He said, his hands trailing tantalisingly slowly down your body.

“What?” You said, the slightest of giggles in your voice.

“Whenever I’ve imagined…this….you always come first….I just…..” His hands ran over your stomach and down, one stilling on your hip the other making its way downwards between your legs. “Please?” He said and it came out in a quiet deep whisper, a wracked, gravely plea that you felt in your deepest core. That made it feel like it was dripping.

You let go of him and ran your hands instead over his body, allowing yourself to wonder at the feel of the soapy texture of the gel under your fingers as they roamed over his shoulders and the heavenly musculature of arms and torso. He was so firm and yet his skin was so soft. You were making your way to stroke across his sexy, broad back when it became too hard to focus as intently as you wanted to, as you felt his fingers start to run gently over your folds and then through them.

And then it all started to get frantic. Your hands were roaming over him, all of him. His back, his gorgeous tight ass, his thick thighs, his big beautiful chest while he lightly, gently, teased with his fingertips across your clit and between your lips; not pushing into you…but artfully playing you like an instrument, the pressure getting gradually harder.

You hadn’t noticed your breathing getting heavier and louder but you looked at his face and he was clearly enjoying making you make those needy little noises, the wracked sighs coming out almost like sobs that he was coaxing from you. He took the hand from your hip and reached out behind you to touch the tiles. You looked at him confused.

“Not too cold.” He breathlessly whispered in response as he pushed you back against it, leaning in for a deep, languorous kiss. God, how was he making being considerate so fucking sexy. He was just so….Sam.

And then his lips trailed from yours….kissing his way downwards with his mouth soft and wet and open and his tongue skilfully gliding across your skin……stopping to take a nipple between his lips and gently sucking, grazing it with his teeth before continuing. His fingers were still moving against you at first, feeling strong yet gentle and making the needy, wanting feeling in you grow, it was getting stronger by the second, but as he sank to his knees before you, they moved, and instead ran up and down your legs as his sexy, manly hands moved over the skin of you.

You looked down, watching this big strong gorgeous man; Sam; sexy perfect Sam, wet on his knees in front of you as the water fell, running over his golden skin and his tattoo. You knew it was a sight you would never forget. Good, you thought, it was the best thing you’d ever seen; could ever imagine seeing. He leaned back, out of the shower stream and looked up at you as he smiled, slowly, water dripping from his hair and running in rivulets down the tight cut of his chest.

He leaned forward keeping eye contact with you, searing hot eye contact through the steam.

“You don’t know….” He said, his voice steady, low and certain as he dropped his gaze, laying a sweet kiss under your navel.

“….how long…..” Another kiss, just as sweet but lower and open mouthed.

“…..I’ve dreamed….” Another kiss, lower still.

“…about doing this.” And then he tenderly raised your leg, lifting it with care, hooking your knee over his shoulder, opening you up as he kissed your clit. The first kiss there was like the others, soft and open and wet but sweet. The next was wetter and softer and longer. He swirled his tongue against you between the gentlest suction of his pert lips as he lifted his fingers to play between your folds and you let out a moan that seemed to never end but just roll ceaselessly from you.

The sound you made echoed off the tiles and was joined by his; a sound of wanton, unabashed pleasure, a loud humming moan that sounded like the neediest hunger mixed with some kind of primal euphoria, that you felt vibrating against you as much as you heard it, ringing out beautifully.

He continued the gorgeous rippling motion of his tongue but it was mixed with kisses and gentle sucking and his fingers teased, stroking against your entrance, already so desperate for him. You felt his tongue lap in strokes that ran over your clit and down. The heel of his hand gently pushed against your thigh, changing your angle so he could work his tongue into you. He did it again and again, over your clit and down and in, licking and tasting, his noises getting louder, sounding wrecked, pushing you further and further towards the edge.

He was devouring you with feverish need. And then you felt him push a long agile finger, slowly and carefully inside you, deeply in and then out. It was all so deliciously rhythmic, accompanied by his moaning. You’d had no idea he was so loud, so wild…but you liked it. A lot. Then there was another finger and as he pushed them slowly in…and out…and in again…his mouth returned to focus on your clit.

You hadn’t realised that your noises had gotten loud too but you heard them, sort of, it was getting hard to focus. Whatever his fingers were doing, they were doing it well because it didn’t feel like just back and forth; it felt like they were stroking you from the inside, against something that felt….achingly good. You could feel your orgasm building so hard, your fingers carding through his thick, wet hair and his name falling from your lips. When it hit, you felt the wave, so strong, disarmingly so, roll through your body; unstoppable, wild and powerful. You felt your back arch against the shower wall, hard, and Sam’s arm reach around you to steady you as he surged forward to move against your bucking body and keep the motion of his hand and mouth strong and constant. You heard the change in pitch of his rolling groan as the satisfaction of making you come turned him on even more. You heard it somewhere in the noise; him, the roar of the shower and your own broken strained voice that was almost a scream.

He kept fucking you with his fingers and lapping and kissing and sucking as you were lost, totally lost in the eye of your own storm of ecstasy, only slowing his movements very gradually as he felt your body start to relax and your noises getting less frenzied. His fingers still pushed in and out but slower and less powerfully, and his mouth slowed too, now simply laying soft wet open mouthed kisses against your clit, each one making you shudder.

After you had calmed, slightly, you felt his fingers pull out of you, slowly, gently. And he started to kiss his way up your body until he was stood again, leaning into you, his eyes hooded and full of want. You watched him, still trying to calm your breathing, as he put his fingers in his mouth, his eyes closing as he sucked them, tasting you, and a quiet moan of contentment came from him. And then he leaned forward, kissing you deep and hard up the side of your neck up to your ear.

“Holy Fuck…..making you come is my new favourite thing in the world….” He said, his voice low and deep and dripping with sex. It made your toes curl instinctively. “Do you think we’re clean enough for me to take you to bed now?”

You could only manage to nod as he turned off the tap, the water stopping and leaving the sound of your broken, uneven, breathing ricocheting off the tiles.

He opened the shower and reached out to grab a towel and threw it on the floor, stepping out onto it. He grabbed another, a huge fluffy bath sheet and opened it out as you followed, wrapping it delicately around your dripping body. Then he grabbed another and slowly, gently began to dab and then softly drag it across the skin of your arms. He pushed you back, once more against the basin counter and knelt to dry your legs. With his strong hands he lifted your leg, raising your foot to dry it with care and then resting it against his folded thigh as he ran the towel up, kissing each dry patch of skin adoringly as he went and repeating the routine with your other foot, taking such ardent care as he went, his sweet patient devotion melting your heart. He continued to work his way up you until he was standing again and you were dry.

You reached for a towel and ran it over him, drying him, running it in long strokes over his beautiful body, happy to explore it. It was as if the both of you had longed for each other for so long, physical intimacy being the only ways you were denied of each other, that now you could actually be together like this, it was a whole new world of bliss. You took the towel and with both hands ran it over his wet hair, feeling your heart swell as he leaned into your rub, his eyes shut and a slow smile stretching across his face, his arms around you. He let out a sweet noise of contentment that made you grin, wide and content. You loved making him happy. And his wet hair, looked so sexy as it fell in his face. You dropped the towel and ran your fingers through it, letting your nails ever so gently trail across his scalp, pushing his hair back though a few strands seem to somehow still fall into his face, no matter, they only made him look even better.

“I have to look at your head.”

He raised his eyebrow at you suggestively and smirked. You slapped him playfully against his chest, his strong hard chest.

“Your head wound…you child.” You said, laughing despite yourself.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine….I want you to lie down with me in that Four Poster Bed….I want to show you…”

“Yeah? Show me what?” You teased.

“I want….” He said, pushing you further up against the counter, looking you deep in your eyes as he spoke in that voice of his that made your thighs instinctively rub themselves together, “….to take you to that big Four Poster Bed….and lie you down….and show you how very romantic it can be…how loving….” He punctuated each pause with a hot, wet, open kiss. “….and tender…..and sweet it can be….for me to hold you down and fuck you…” He lay more delicious kisses amongst the words “….long….and hard….and deep…..and dirty…the way I’ve been thinking about doing for years now.”

He kissed you deeply now and it was slow but intensely hot – the kind of kiss you felt all the way deep in your core - as his tongue insistently moved against yours as he ran his hand up your back and into your hair, pulling slightly, not so it hurt but so your head moved back and he trailed molten kisses down your neck, getting harder and hungrier with each passing second.

He made a compelling argument. You felt yourself melting into his arms as he trailed his hands down you, settling them under your ass and effortlessly, or so it seemed, lifted you up. Your legs wrapped around his waist as he carried you out of the bathroom and towards the bed where he softly and carefully lay you down.

“Sam…” You managed to say, somehow, as you swallowed thickly.

“Mmmm?” He said, against your neck where he was sucking gently, but not too gently, against your pulse point.

“Head first.” You said. He pulled away from your neck and raised an eyebrow as he shrugged, pursing his lips in a ‘Well, if you say so’ expression of cockiness, taking the deliberate misunderstanding of your words with playful swagger. You’d never seen him be like this before and it was sexy, you didn’t fully understand why, but it was.

“Sam.” You said, and he heard the tone in your voice, the one that warned him not to mess with you, the one that brooked no argument. His face broke, as he laughed putting his hands up in surrender.

“OK. OK….fine….” He said, as you got off the bed and went and got your kit from your case. You sat him on the bed, standing between his legs, trying to keep yourself focused on the job at hand which was difficult as your eyes wanted to rest on his still hard, oh so hard, massive erection, straining and flushed in front of you. You got a towel and draped it over him as he laughed, just slightly, at you, leaning back on his arms as you dabbed gently with a cotton wool ball drenched in antiseptic wash over the wound on his head. You were focused on making sure the cut was clean and thankfully it wasn’t too deep. You felt the relief that it wasn’t a bad injury in your gut. As you cleaned the gash, your eyes drifted slightly lower, connecting with his. They were soft and warm and full of love as he looked at you, the corners of his lips upturned with his happiness.

“I love you.” He said. “Thank you….for taking care of me.”

“What?” You said, gently. “Like you don’t take care of me…all the time….and thank you…for loving me. I love you too.”

“You never have to thank me for that….” He said, leaning forward as you took another cotton ball, wet it and ran it along the cut, placing his big strong hands on the sides of your waist, over your towel, and running them in strokes across the small of your back and back to your waist again. He pulled gently against the towel, dragging it down as he leaned forward to take your nipple between his lips and into his mouth.

“Sam…I….that makes it really hard to concentrate….” You said, distractedly trying to keep tending to his forehead as he moved his face against you, tonguing your breast.

“I believe in you. You can do anything you put your mind to, baby.” He said, breathlessly between sucks and bites and licks.

“Well…..” You said, dropping the cotton wool, “I mean…it’s clean…I just needed to make sure it was gonna be OK….”

“I know….” He said, moving hungrily to the nipple of the other breast, his fingers pushing into the skin of your hips. “…you are sweet and kind and you care about me and those are some of the many reasons I love you….but…..” He pulled his head back, kissing your nipple as he did, before pulling you close, his arms wrapped around your middle, his eyes smiling up at you. “…are we done? Because I really need you lie down with me now….”

“Yeah…we’re done.” You said, laughing slightly as your hand played lovingly against the back of his head, fingers splaying through the strands. In an instant, he moved up, all towels falling away and to the floor and swept you up in his arms, turning and laying you once again on the bed, before lying down too, bracing his weight in his arms and legs but lying over you and kissing you, hungrily, quick and urgent.

You looked up at him, strands of hair falling in his face, his eyes smiling as he stroked the hair off your forehead and pushed it back, away from your face, tenderly.

“Thank fuck for that.” He said, laughing and grinning at you. He looked happy. His smile was safety and comfort and…home. “I’ve got you here, in bed with me…finally.” He kissed you, long and hard.

“Finally.” You whispered when his lips left yours momentarily.

It wasn’t long before they were kissing you again as you rolled over each other on the bed, hands roaming and reaching, lips and tongues trailing and kissing searchingly over each others’ mouths and necks and shoulders and any and all of each other you could find, the need building again; strong and desperate.

He let you roll him onto his back as you kissed down the taut perfection of his chest and then his abs, you wanted to be slower, to tease, but you needed him too much for that right now.

You gripped his cock. God, it felt good. The softness of the skin as it moved over the thick hardness of him. You let one hand move up and down, sliding along his length, the other hand trailing over the skin of his hips and pelvis, feeling his smooth skin and hair before you cupped his balls and caressed him there, feeling the hiss and then low groan he made make you pulse inside. You lowered your head to run a lick up along the underside of him, and watched his face as you gently kitten licked against the tip of him. His eyes were wide and his breaths were heavy, and as your lips closed around him, his mouth opened letting out a broken desperate sound amidst the panting as his eyebrows raised and his eyelids closed down shut. You played with open mouthed kisses against the head of his cock, tasting his saltiness as it leaked against your tongue and then wrapped your lips around him and slowly sucked and licked your way up and down.

He let out a loud and powerful groan that turned somehow into your name. You felt his hand against the back of your head, not pushing just playing in your hair as you felt the shake in his body. Heard him repeating your name on moaning waves that got higher and more ragged; more urgent. The sounds he made were making you drip and clench as was the feel of his body as it moved under your hands and mouth. You were loving making him feel this good. Perhaps making him come was going to be your new favourite thing in the world, you thought, strongly suspecting it would.

“Y/N…..Baby…..oh fuck….Y/N?” He groaned out, guiding your head off him with gentle hands. His head fell back against the pillow for a moment as you let him move you. “Holy……shit……”

You ran your hands up his inner thighs, letting your nails drag gently across his skin before returning to stroking him. He sat up, wrapping his arms around you and kissing you, pulling you down with him and rolling you under him.

“You keep stopping me.” You said, smiling against his kiss.

“We have all of forever….” He said softly as his hips slotted against yours, your legs open around him. You could feel his hardness against you and then it was dragging through your folds and deliciously over your clit. His hips rolled rhythmically, getting faster as you arched against him, moaning without meaning to.

“Oh God….you feel….so……mmmmm.” You whispered, not knowing where you were going with the sentence, unable to find the right words, just knowing it felt really, really good.

“Yeah?” He said, his voice low and so very sexy.

“Yeah….”

He kept rolling his hips, the motion driving you crazy. “You feel so…..mmmm….too….”

“Sam….please….” You heard yourself pleading.

He lifted his head and looked at you, a teasing look on his face. “Please?”

“Please….please….I need you….”

He bit his lower lip as his eyes closed, as if he was taking something in, something almost too good to bear. “God…you sound even better when you beg than you did when I was thinking about you….I didn’t think that was possible.”

You smiled at the thought of him thinking about you and then you kissed his neck, slow and deep, talking through the kisses. “Please Sam…I want you so badly…I need you….please….baby, I need you so much….” His cock twitched against your pussy and he moaned out a sinful sound that made you even wetter.

“Need me to what?” He said, trying to tease back through the strained need so obvious in his voice. His cock was so tantalisingly near, you could feel it rubbing against your hungry entrance. “I can feel how wet you are…” He whispered into your ear. “…fuckkkk….you feel so good.”

“Because I want you so much.” You said, truthfully, purring the words into his ear. “I need you to fuck me, Sam. Please. I wanted you so much…for so long…and I really, really need you now.”

He groaned deeply in response and moved his hand to line himself up, taking care to run himself once more slowly over your clit and down before he did.

“What my woman wants, my woman gets….” He said.

“Your woman?” You asked, more unused to hearing it not as part of the ruse of the weekend than anything else.

“Well, aren’t you?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t know….Yes….I have a feeling you’re about to make me ‘your woman’.” You said, feeling the way his whole body shook in response. He clearly liked that. His eyes closed for an instant and he let out a quiet ‘Oh Fuck.’ under his breath, before opening them again and looking at you.

“I did not know how hot that would sound….You’re your own and I know that but fuck….I have been waiting a long time to make you ‘mine’….like this. To show you…to be with you…so, yeah….if that’s what you want…”

“I want.” You whispered up to him. “Fuck Sam, I need.”

You knew he could feel it as he looked into your eyes. You knew because you could feel it too, the connection running between you. You were your own and you were his, you already had been for so long. But now you could show each other. You felt the desperation, the aching urgent need of your body as he notched himself against you and slowly, slowly pushed in. The sounds you both made seemed to harmonise together by accident as you both felt just how good, how gorgeously and perfectly incredible it felt as he finally pushed himself into you.

“Oh…my…..ohhhhhhh…..” You heard yourself loudly cry out, your hands running over the thick shifting muscles of his back. As big as you knew he was, it was still overwhelming to feel him filling you. Good, but intense.

“Oh…Y/N….” He said, his eyes shut and his jaw set looking lost somewhere between pleasure and pain. “….oh baby, you’re so…tight….it’s so…….feels so good….”

He kept pushing until he was finally seated and then breathed out, looking at you. “Breathe, sweetheart.” He said, kissing you with your arms around him. “You good…?”

You breathed deeply and nodded. “So good….” You said as he began to move. You felt the power of his body as it moved over you, into you; so strong and so sexy and you looked into his eyes, and saw him, your Sam and it did….. it felt like the hottest sexiest moment, his big, beautiful, hard cock moving inside of you and his pelvis pushing against your clit, and yet also….it felt romantic…like love…because it was him. The best of two wonderful worlds.

His hand found its way behind your head, cradling it as his fingers wildly tousled through your hair and the other found your hand, lacing his fingers with yours. He said your name, whispered it out, seeming pleased to just be able to. To be able to say it and be here with you like this. He was moving faster with each thrust, kissing you, kissing your neck, biting gently against it, letting out grunts as he fucked into you. And you ran your nails down his back, unable to stop yourself as you felt yourself getting closer and closer.

“God,” He said, his voice heavy with emphasis, “…you look so beautiful right now.”

“You’re looking pretty good there yourself.” You said, truthfully, through your laboured breathing.

“I thought you looked the most beautiful I’d ever seen you tonight…but….fuck….you look even better…..you look so incredibly beautiful when I’m fucking you like this and you’re taking me deep…so deep…..” He thrust even harder into you, the slightest of smiles ghosting over his lips when he heard the moan it caused you to make, “….fuck…..I can’t wait to see how good you look coming on my cock.”

You actually felt his smile against your lips as he felt the way you clenched around him at his words. You felt the hand behind your head move down and rest against your hip, shifting slightly so his thumb could stroke little circles against your clit.

“I can feel how close you are.” He whispered into your ear. “I love you so much…so, so much. Let me show you…”

And as his thumb moved faster, his thrusts became more powerful and he lifted his head slightly to watch as you started to fall apart.

“Oh God, Sam….” You moaned, feeling the wave tearing through you; all white hot sensation and overriding bliss.

“I’m here, I’ve got you. Let go. I love you.” He said, not slowing but holding you in place with the grounding force of his body. It was powerful and obliterating, you were reaching out, trying to pull him into you more but there was no way he could, your nails dug into him but if he felt it he didn’t show it. All you could do was hear yourself repeating his name and surrender; surrender to the waves of hot, molten electricity running though you as he fucked you hard through your orgasm. You heard his grunts. You heard him whispering that he loved you as you came but you couldn’t respond. You were too lost in it. It felt so good but so powerful, like it was breaking you apart, like he was the only thing keeping you together; the only thing that could.

He slowed slightly but not completely and moved his hand as he kissed your neck and dipped his head to gently suck your nipple, leaving your mouth to gasp for air that you desperately needed. You felt the shower of sweet kisses over your skin as you calmed down, slowly.

“Ohhhhh…..myyyyyyyy….Godddddd……” You eventually breathed out.

“Y’OK, baby?” He asked, so sweetly for a man still moving inside of you, you thought.

You looked at him and somewhere in the tiny nod and fleeting smile you let him know you were so much better than OK.

“I was right.” He whispered into your ear. “Watching you come on my cock was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

He was still rolling his hips, still moving inside of you. “Hey, I have an idea….” You said, pushing against his chest as he let you move him back. He pulled out of you as you moved, turning and crawling towards one of the four posts that held up the canopy and wrapping your hands around it as you bent slightly, looking over your shoulder at him. His eyes took you in and you watched them narrow slightly as he huffed out a breath, he looked like he was blown away by how good you looked, by the way he wanted you. Instantly he was on you, kissing his way down your back, hungry and frenzied.

“Best idea ever. My woman’s so smart….” He said low and quiet into your skin, but you heard. He ran his hands down your body, firmly and hard. He put his hand around his thickness, pumping a couple of times and putting himself between your folds, running his head from over your clit all the way back and then he pushed his way back into you, groaning loudly as he bottomed out. He was moving fast whilst bent over you, he reached out, his large hand wrapping around yours where it held the post, then he ran it up along your arm and down your side, letting it rest on your hip. He leaned back slightly changing the angle of his thrust and it felt like he moved against some new tender soft part of you, inside. You let out a deep primal sounding wail that shocked even you with how wild it sounded.

“There?” He asked, sounding pleased amongst the hungry deep growl of his voice. You could only cry out in response as he moved hard and deep and sure, over and over that part deep inside of you that you weren’t sure had ever been found before.

“Oh God…again?…..” You muttered, not to him particularly, just shocked to feel the coil in you tightening once more.

“I can feel you….even….tighter…..” He whispered through his sexy grunts of exertion.

“Oh Fuck…..Sammmmmm…..” He pounded into you hard, making sure to keep himself dragging across whatever it was that was making you feel so good.

You heard him say “God…I love hearing you say my name like that…..” But it only sort of registered through the fog as you came hard, hearing your own screams of pleasure, feeling yourself clenching around him, feeling him reach round and grab you around your waist and pull you back onto him, his strong arms around your waist and chest as he ground up into you, fucking you hard, his hot loud breaths against your ear. He was close you could tell.

“Wait….” You managed to gasp out.

“What baby….?” He asked gutturally, through gritted teeth.

“You face…the first time….I wanna see….”

He pulled out and spun you around before pulling you back onto him with impressive skill and speed. And then he was pounding again, hard and fast, his hands moving and pushing deep into the flesh of your back, as he kissed and gently bit across your shoulders and breasts wildly. God, he felt so good.

“I bet you look beautiful when you fill me up.” You whispered into his ear as he moaned high and loud, his head nestling into the curve of your neck. You wrapped your arms around him, your hands roughly twisting through his hair as he pulled back onto his heels, taking you with him, you were still riding the aftershocks of your last orgasm but damn, he felt so good as you rolled yourself against him, that you snaked one of your hands down to rub your clit, trying not to be surprised that you wanted to, that you thought it might happen again, trying to go with it.

He roared out your name “Y/N…..” followed by loud, high broken moans of desperate hunger. You could feel him losing control, he seemed wild and sexy as all hell as his face contorted with pleasure, his brow creasing and his mouth panting as his movements became unrestrained, his body hot and sweaty and moving with unleashed savage desperation against you.

“It’s OK. I’m here. Let go. I love you…I’m yours….show me how you’re mine….” You moaned into his ear as you came again, your back arching in his arms as he moved you against himself, fucking up into you as he let go, filling you up as he let out a loud guttural groan, pulling you, crushing you, to him as you crushed him back into you as you both struggled to pull air down into your lungs.

Slowly….slowly….the tension in his arms relaxed and you fell back against the pillows and soft mattress. He joined you, falling forward over you, making sure to keep his weight from landing on you and then rolling onto his side next to you.

His chest heaved with deep breaths as he put his arm out and pulled you close into him, kissing your forehead gently. You lay in the quiet, listening to the sound of both of you breathing heavy and uneven for a moment, letting the fact that that had actually just happened try and sink in.

Eventually, Sam broke the silence.

“I am, you know….yours….always have been…..” he said, softly and sweetly, smiling at you.

You smiled back. “It should feel weirder…that we can do…that…and say ‘I love you’ and tell each other that we are each other’s….but…it doesn’t…..it feels kinda ‘right’….kinda…natural??”

“Yeah…” He said, his eyes looking around as he thought about it, a warm smile settling on his face as he did. Then his gaze settled back on yours. “So…?”

“So?” You echoed back, unsure of his meaning.

“Was it….romantic?” He asked, grinning widely.

“Oh….the…..yeah…” You laughed. “It was some really good ‘fucking’ and it was…it was really romantic.”

He smiled wide, so wide his dimples showed. You loved it when that happened. “Good.” He said, “Because I love you. And I want to make you feel good. And I want to worship every inch of this sexy body of yours like I’ve been dreaming about for years.”

“Worship?” You asked, pulling a face.

“Hey…you did my ‘sturgeon face’!” He laughed

“I thought you didn’t do that.” You teased with your eyebrow raised.

“Well, no….I don’t but you definitely did. Just then.” He laughed. “And yeah….hell yeah….worship. Every single day.”

You smiled. You couldn’t help it. You weren’t sure you’d ever felt quite this happy before.

“In fact…..” He said, sitting up on the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?” You asked, your brow furrowing.

He turned and looked back at you over his shoulder.

“I’m going to go run us a bath, full of bubbles and I’m gonna wash your hair and let you wash mine and I’m gonna kiss you in it and hold you and maybe we’ll even splash around a little….”

“Oh yeah?” You said, giggling despite yourself. He stood up but leaned down over the bed, stopping just before kissing you to look at you as he smiled.

“Yeah.” He said, “It’s gonna be a beautiful Christmas.”


End file.
